Watching A Very Potter Musical
by Muggleborn Demigod
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Malfoy, Snape, and Dumbledore are transported to a mysterious room by a very cliché flash of light. There, they are told to watch a very hilarious parody musical about Harry called 'A Very Potter Musicical'.
1. Prologue

**Hey there fanfiction world :) I am now presenting the story I promised: Watching A Very Potter Musical. original name, right? I already have the the next chapter typed up, I just need to go through it one more time. It should be up tomorrow. Ignore the shortness of this, I didn't want to start the musical until next chapter.**

****IMPORTANT** This story takes place in 6th year, and Ron, Harry, and Ginny didn't go to the Burrow for Christmas break.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Starkid, their awesome musicals, or Harry Potter.**

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It was Christmas break at Hogwarts and the Golden Trio and Ginny were each sitting in the Gryffindor common room doing their separate things. Hermione was reading, Harry and Ron were playing a game of chess, and Ginny was doing some homework. Well, at least that _was_ what they were doing until some random being in the universe performed a very nice piece of magic causing the four to disappear in a very cliché flash of bright light. Over in the Slytherin common rooms, Draco Malfoy, who was sitting at a table thinking of how he was to dispose of Dumbledore, vanished in a cliché flash of light as well. In the Headmaster's office, Professors Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore were discussing Draco's plot to kill Dumbledore, when they too disappeared into the bright light.

Far away from the castle where the people mentioned were just in, there is a room where time stands still. And this room is where those people were dumped. They all landed on the conveniently placed couches in the room, except for Malfoy, who landed on the floor, an inch from the couch.

"Where are we?" Hermione asked as she sat up, blushing a bit. She had landed on the couch, sprawled across Ron's lap. "What happened?"

"Not sure," Harry said as he helped Ginny sit up.

"Professors, do you know why we're here?" Ron asked, the first to notice the teacher and headmaster.

Before one of them could answer, Malfoy sat up, clutching his head and groaning. He got up carefully, using the coffee table next to him as support before sitting on it.

"Will someone tell me where I am?" he said rubbing his head.

"We don't know, Malfoy," Harry said, looking around.

"Great."

Ginny, who had gotten up and started to look around for a way out, saw a piece of paper sitting on a chair in the room.

"Look," she said. "A note."

Hermione rushed over and picked it up.

"Read it aloud please, would you Miss Granger?" Dumbledore asked, with a twinkle in his eye.

"All right," Hermione said. "It says:

_Dear people I have sorta-kinda-maybe kidnapped,_

_I have abducted you and brought you here because…well, actually, I just brought you here for entertainment for myself and others. You are going to watch a musical. It is an extremely amusing musical called 'A Very Potter Musical.' You see, I am from a different universe, where Harry Potter is a very famous fictional series. The fandom is quite large. So large, it was made into eight movies, has its own theme park, conventions, and products, as well as parody musicals (yes, there is a sequel to this one). So now, you are to watch these musicals in a set of videos. I have the musical set on a continuous playlist, so don't worry about skipping a video. I'm sure you'll want to know where you are too. You are in a room where time stands still. I created it myself. A rather impressive and exhausting piece of magic. There is a fully-stocked kitchen and five different bedrooms, each with its own bathroom. They should all be labeled accordingly. Also, you will not remember this event until after you turn 19. By then, all the events that have happened in the musical should have already occurred in your world._

_I hope you enjoy!_

"Wow," Ron said after a pause.

"'Wow' is right," Ginny agreed.

"Why can't it be a musical about Voldemort," Harry grumbled. "I'm sure his life was just as interesting."

"Oh another bit of writing just appeared!" Hermione exclaimed, looking at the note. "It says:

_P.S. Before I forget, there is no magic allowed in this room. I'd rather not have any messes to clean up. Who knows what you people will do to each other. Also, don't worry about doing dishes after your meals. Just place them in the sink; it's charmed to wash them. Though cooking the meals is up to you. The musical will start as soon as you're all settled. Have fun!_

"All right, I suppose we should get going on this. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. I do _not_ need to be around Gryffindors any longer than necessary." Malfoy said when Hermione finished.

"Let's just get this over with." Harry said. He walked over to the largest couch and sat down. Ron sat to his left and Hermione sat next to Ron. Ginny plopped down next to Hermione. Snape and Malfoy took the other couch, while Dumbledore took the chair. They turned towards the screen just as the music started and the words 'A Very Potter Musical' appeared.

**Please Review!**


	2. Act 1 Scene 1

**Ta-da! Chapter 2! I was gonna post it this morning, but I had to go to the library to do my service hours.**

**Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Starkid's awesome musicals or J.K. Rowling's awesome books.**

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Act 1 Scene 1

A man appeared on the stage, sitting on a trunk. He was dressed as a Gryffindor and was wearing a pair of round glasses.

**Harry (singing): Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt. Can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want.**

"Harry, what's that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked, looking at her friend with a raised eyebrow.

Harry only mumbled something back. Snape got a weird look on his face but it was gone as soon as it came.

**I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these Muggles but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive…**

"Isn't that a little over the top?" Ginny asked.

"Nah," Harry replied. "I probably shouldn't be alive anyways, with all the stuff I've been through."

**I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, it's September and I'm skipping this town. Hey, it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now…I gotta get back to Hogwarts!**

Everyone burst out laughing. Minus Snape and Malfoy, of course. Even Dumbledore was a chuckling a bit.

**I gotta get back to school. I gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool.**

"You sound like Malfoy." Ron stated.

Malfoy scowled.

**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think I'm going back.** **I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry; take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die and it's gonna be totally awesome!**

"That's a little depressing," Hermione said.

"Now that I think about it, someone has died or almost died every year I've been at Hogwarts," Harry mused.

**I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah, bring it on!**

"I'd rather not have to this year, thank you very much."

**And do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome…**

Ron fist bumped Harry. "We are, aren't we?"

Harry nodded in agreement while Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes.

**Ron: Yeah and it's gonna be totally awesome!**

**Ron (spoken): Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Woo! What's up buddy?**

**Harry: Hey! (hugs)**

**Ron: Hey, sorry it took me so long to get here I had…to go get…some…Floo Powder but, uh, we gotta get going c'mon, get your trunk, let's go.**

**Harry: Where are we going?**

**Ron: To Diagon Alley, of course!**

**Harry: Cool!**

**Ron: Come on!**

**Ron and Harry (running around, flapping their arms): Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power!**

Everyone started laughing again and Malfoy had an evil little smile on his face. Even Snape looked amused.

"You look like idiots!" Ginny wheezed out between laughs. Harry and Ron just gaped at the screen.

**Ron (singing): It's been so long…**

**Both: …but we're going back!**

**Ron: Don't go for work, don't go there for class!**

**Harry: As long as we're together…**

**Ron: …gonna kick some ass…**

**Both: …and it's going to be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm!**

"You better not," Snape muttered.

**Hermione: But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs!**

Hermione stared open mouthed at the girl on the screen. Malfoy and Snape were smirking and Dumbledore was smiling. Harry and Ron were practically rolling on the ground in laughter, while Ginny giggled and said, "They got Hermione right for sure!"

**Ron (spoken): God Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzz kill?**

**Hermione: Because guys, school's not all about having fun. We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards. (singing) I may by frumpy but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, there A's for a start.**

"Isn't it O's?" Malfoy asked, looking a little confused.

"In the Muggle world, A's are the highest on the grading scale. And I'm not frumpy!" Hermione said, pouting.

**What I lack in looks, well, I make up in heart and well guys, yeah that's totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot.**

**Ron: That would be cool if you were actually hot.**

Malfoy laughed while Hermione smacked Ron on the back of his head and Ginny slapped him with a pillow.

**Harry: Hey Ron, c'mon, we're the only friends that she's got…**

Hermione looked a little hurt at this and Harry immediately started to apologize for the character on the screen.

**Ron: …****and that's cool…**

**Hermione: …and that's totally awesome!**

**All Three: Yeah, it's so cool and it's totally awesome! We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how…We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school. Gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magi-cool.**

**Whole Cast: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's that all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think we're going back.**

"Well," Ron said. "That was interesting."

"I find it horrifying that Muggles know everything about my life," Harry said. "Even if it is in another universe."

"What year do you think we're in?" Hermione wondered. "It doesn't look like our first year or this year."

A piece of paper fluttered down from the ceiling. Hermione picked it up and read:

_It's second year._

Everyone nodded.

"Is everyone ready for the next video?" Dumbledore asked, eyes twinkling. There was a chorus of "yeahs" from the group and they watched as the next video loaded and watched as the Golden Trio walked across the stage.

**Please Review!**


	3. Act 1 Scene 2

**Hey there fanfiction readers! I was so pumped about the JKR webcast yesterday, I'm updating a day early. Lucky you guys.**

**Thanks for all of your reviews/favorites/alerts! They made my week :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything resembling the rights to HP or Starkid.**

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Act 1 Scene 2

**Ginny: Ron!**

Ginny's mouth dropped open as she stared at the girl on the screen. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Malfoy were laughing as Dumbledore smiled and Snape smirked.

**You were supposed to take me to Madam Malkin's and use those sickles Mom gave you for my robe fittings!**

**Harry: Uh, who's this?**

**Ron: Uh, this is stupid, little, dumb sister Ginny.**

"I didn't say it!" Ron yelped as Ginny glared at him.

**She's a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry.**

**Harry: Hey.**

**Ron: Harry Potter. This is Harry Potter.**

**Ginny: You're Harry Potter. You're the Boy-Who-Lived.**

**Harry: Yeah, you're Ginny.**

**Ginny: Oh, it's Ginevra.**

Ginny looked pissed at the use of her full name.

**Harry: Cool, Ginny's fine.**

**Ron: Stupid sister, -claps-**

"What was that clap supposed to be?"

"No clue."

**Ginny: Aah!**

**Ron: Don't crowd the famous friend. -laughs-**

**Hermione: Do you guys here music or something?**

**Harry: Music? What are you talking about?**

**Ron: Yeah, someone's coming.**

**Harry: Someone's coming.**

**Cho, Pansy, Lavender (singing): Cho Chang! Domo arigato, Cho Chang! Gung hay fat, Choy Chang! Happy, Happy New Year, Cho Chang!**

"What the hell?"

**Ginny: Oh, who's that?**

**Harry: That's Cho Chang.**

**Ron: That's the girl that Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year.**

Harry groaned. "I have not! I don't even like her anymore…"

"Really? I thought you still did," Hermione looked confused.

Harry shook his head. "Nah. I like someone else now."

"Who?"

Harry flushed and shook his head. "I am so not telling."

**Hermione: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her.**

**Ron: Well, yeah, you never tell a girl that you like her; it makes you look like an idiot.**

Ron, Harry and Malfoy nodded in agreement while Ginny and Hermione rolled their eyes.

**Ginny: Konichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley.**

**Lavender: Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!**

Everyone started to laugh again.

**Ron: That's Lavander Brown! –claps- racist sister!**

**Cho: Hey, it's all right! I'm Cho Chang y'all.**

"Oh my god."

"They just totally switched Lavender's and Cho's appearances." Ginny laughed. Hermione frowned a little at the mention of Lavender.

"Lavender isn't Southern," Ron said.

"You would know," Hermione grumbled.

**Harry: She is totally perfect.**

**Ron: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?**

The Gryffindors bowed their heads.

**Harry: What?** **Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that, who is that guy?**

**Cedric (singing): Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangkok to Ding Dang, I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chang!**

"Whoa. Was that really Cedric?"

"He had shiny teeth."

**Harry: I hate that guy. I hate him.**

**Ron: So, are we gonna go get those robes or not?**

**Ginny: Okay, alright, I'm going!**

**Ron: God sister! (The four exit; Neville enters and bumps into Crabbe and Goyle)**

**Neville: -gasps-**

**Goyle: Present your arm, nerd! Indian Burn Hex!**

**Neville: Aah!**

"Oh, poor Neville," Hermione said. "They made him look like a total geek!"

The other students just laughed.

**Ron: Oh, Crabbe and Goyle.**

**Ginny: Are you okay?**

**Harry: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?**

**Goyle: Well, well, well, if it isn't Harry Potter?** **You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!**

"Er, no I don't."

**Harry: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville. Come on…**

**Goyle: Oh, well you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! -breaks Harry's glasses- We hate nerds…**

**Crabbe: And girls!**

"Isn't Crabbe being played by a girl?"

"That's the point, Harry."

**Ron: Well, you asked for it. You don't mess with Harry Potter; he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby.**

**Hermione: Alright, everyone just calm down. **_**Occulus Reparo!**_

**Harry: Whoa, cool!**

**Hermione: Okay, now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone.**

**Draco: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?**

The Gryffindors started laughing hysterically.

"MALFOY, YOU'RE A BLOODY GIRL!"

"OH MY GOD!"

"He's wearing earrings!"

Malfoy glared at them, but it didn't really work out because he was bright red.

**Harry: What do you want Draco?**

**Draco: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of purple doves and go pay for my robes, will you? So, Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber wizard.**

**Harry: Hey, listen Malfoy; Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything.**

"That's sweet, Harry."

**Draco: Have it your way. Wait! Don't tell me: red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley.**

**Ron: Oh my God, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass.**

"I feel so loved," Ginny said sarcastically.

Ron smiled sheepishly.

**Draco: Well isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family.** **Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts.**

"What's Pigfarts?"

Hermione looked confused. "I'm not sure."

Ron and Harry gasped dramatically. "Hermione doesn't know something! The world is ending!"

Hermione mock glared at them.

**(singing) This year you'll bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, it's gonna be totally awesome! Look out world for the dawn of the day, when everyone will do whatever I say! And Potter won't be in my way and then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

**Goyle: Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

"What do they mean by 'you'll be'? I already am totally awesome!"

The other students shook their heads. "No. No, you aren't."

**CHOO CHOO**

**Hermione: Guys, c'mon, we're gonna miss the train!**

**Whole Cast (singing): Who knows how fast this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow…**

"Now I want some Butterbeer…" Ron whined. A tray with seven glasses of said drink appeared on the coffee table. Everyone looked at each other and shrugged. They each took a glass of the sweet drink.

**Harry (spoken): Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho!**

**Ron: Oh no, that'd be way too awesome!**

**Whole Cast (singing): We're back to learn everything that we can. It's great to come back to where we began and here we are and ALAKAZAM!**

"Is that even a real spell?"

**Here we go, this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know. The summer's over and we're itchin' to go. **

**Neville: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore!**

**Cast: Aaah, aaah!**

**Dumbledore: Welcome!**

As soon as they saw Dumbledore, everyone burst out laughing. He looked ridiculous in his sandals and fake beard, throwing flowers to crowd!

**All of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool?**

"We do?" Malfoy asked.

"I do not think so," Dumbledore said.

"You could always use the Room of Requirement to get one," Harry suggested.

**Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts! Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools! Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, (spoken) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore…suppose you could also call me Albus if you want a detention. I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus.**

"Would you really?" Hermione asked.

Dumbledore just twinkled his eyes.

**Whole ****Cast (singing): Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to…**

**Gryffindors: Gryffindor!**

The Gryffindor students cheered with the people on-screen.

**Hufflepuffs: Hufflepuff!**

**Ravenclaws: Ravenclaw!**

**Slytherins: Slytherin!**

Malfoy said "Slytherin" very quietly, so no one could hear it over the Slytherins yelling on the screen.

**Whole Cast: Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**Dumbledore: I'm sorry, what ch'you say?**

**Whole Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**Dumbledore: I didn't hear you kids!**

**Whole Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**Harry: Man, I'm glad I'm back!**

"That was awesome," Ron grinned.

"Totally awesome," Harry agreed.

"Next video!"

**Please Review!**


	4. Act 1 Scene 3

**Yep. Chapter 4. Enjoy its length :)**

**Thanks for all of your reviews!**

**Disclaimer: No ownership for me.**

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Act 1 Scene 3

**Dumbledore: Yes, Yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts and a very special welcome to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter.**

Malfoy scoffed.

"Of course Potter's your favorite student," Snape grumbled.

**Ron: Woo! Woo!**

**Dumbledore: He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby; he's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it.**

Harry flattened his hair over his forehead.

**Dumbledore: And another very special welcome to our newest edition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny-excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley.**

"Do I look like a guy to you?"

**Ron: Boo, boo.**

**Ginny: Yeah, I'm a girl and, um, also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?**

**Dumbledore: Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year.**

Harry, Ron, and Ginny turned to Dumbledore with pleading looks on their faces.

"No, I'm afraid we will not be getting one," Dumbledore said with a small chuckle. "The parents would complain."

**Basically, I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care.**

"That's not entirely accurate," Hermione frowned. "There are bad guys in other houses too. And good guys can be in every house."

"But it's how everyone thinks the Sorting goes." Harry said.

**Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.**

"Really?" Malfoy raised his eyebrows.

Harry looked thoughtful. "Well, Cedric _was_ the other one to get to the Cup as fast. And he was the first of the other champions to get to his hostage in the Second Task."

**Dumbledore: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?**

"A Hufflepuff is-"

"Hermione."

"Yeah, I know…"

**Anyway, it is time for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions Professor, Mr. Severus Snape.**

**Ron: Ah man, not Snape, I hoped they fired that guy.**

**Ginny: Why, what's wrong with Professor Snape?**

**Ron: Ah nothing, he's just, uh, evil.**

The children burst into hysterical laughter at the sight of Snape as he walked onstage as the Snape of the real world stared wide-eyed at the person on the screen in front of him. He looked absolutely ridiculous with his wig and facial expression.

**Harry: Come on Ron, he's really not that bad.**

**Snape: Harry Potter, detention.**

**Harry: What?**

**Snape: For talking out of turn.**

"I can see that happening in real life." Ron said.

**Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very, very first pop-quiz. Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? Ah yes, Miss Granger…**

**Hermione: A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter.**

"That was almost as fast as the introduction you gave us when we first met! Ow, Hermione!" Ron glared playfully at her as she hit him.

**Snape: Oh very good…now can anyone tell what foreshadowing is? Yes, Miss Granger?**

**Hermione: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way.**

"Hermione has got to be the most accurate character so far."

A pillow was thrown for that comment.

**Snape: Perfect!**

**Ron: What's a Portkey again? I missed that one.**

**Hermione: Oh, a Portkey is something that- **

**Ron: Not you, oh my god.**

**Hermione: -when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere.**

**Snape: And remember a Portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object like a football or a dolphin.**

"Why would someone make a dolphin a Portkey? That's just stupid."

**Lavender: Professor, can like a person be a Portkey?**

**Snape: No, that's absurd. If that person were to ever touch themselves -looks at Ron-**

The students (minus Ron) laughed. Ron just stared at the screen in horror.

**They would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux.**

Harry inhaled sharply. Ron and Hermione looked terrified and Dumbledore looked grave.

**Harry: What's, uh, what's a Horcrux?**

**Snape: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough.**

"Potter finds out about everything." Malfoy grumbled.

**Hermione: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?**

**Snape: Oh no, no, no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know; especially you. Now, moving right along there are four houses in all: Gryffindor,**

**Gryffindors: Woo!**

The four Gryffindors cheered (though the Golden Trio cheered rather half-heartedly).

**Snape: Ravenclaw,**

**Ravenclaws: Ow!**

**Snape: Hufflepuff,**

**Cedric: Find!**

**Snape: What? And Slytherin.**

**Slytherins: Yessssssss!**

**Snape: Now, traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, 10 points from Gryffindor!**

**Gryffindors: What? Why?**

**Snape: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat.**

"Er, can a professor really do that?"

"Of course not," Dumbledore reassured them.

**Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione.**

**Snape: Traditionally, the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Darks Arts, Professor Quirrell.**

The Golden Trio laughed as Quirrell came out with a person obviously in the costume with him.

"Don't they mean _Defense_ _Against _the Dark Arts?"

"Who knows?" Harry said mysteriously. "Maybe it's foreshadowing."

**Harry: Ow! Ah, ow!**

**Quirrell: The House Cup, a time honored tradition. For centuries-**

**Draco: Go home terrorist!**

Everyone started laughing. Again.

"Malfoy, why can't you be this awesome in real life?"

The blonde only shrugged.

**Quirrell: For centuries, the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from and what are the roots of the tradition?**

**Hermione: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts' students.**

**Quirrell: That was a rhetorical question.**

**Dumbledore: Granger, quit interrupting. Twenty points from Gryffindor.**

"They just love taking points from Gryffindor, don't they," Ron grumbled.

**Ron: Thanks Hermione.**

**Quirrell: As I was saying, when the tournament first originated, it was of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks, challenges. The winner would not only win the Cup, but would also win eternal glory.**

**Hermione: Kind of like a House Cup or…no…like a Triwizard Tournament.**

"There are four houses, Granger. It wouldn't be like the House Cup at all." Malfoy said.

**Quirrell: Yes, sort of like the Triwizard Tournament except no, not like that at all. There are four houses, how could it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?**

Malfoy blinked as the Gryffindors started laughing.

**Hermione: Well, uh, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task.**

**Quirrell: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.**

"That is so messed up."

**Hermione: No, I don't think you heard me,****I just said somebody died!**

**Dumbledore: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting, twenty more points.**

**Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione!**

**Dumbledore: God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes. Ten points to Dumbledore.**

"Ron and Harry started laughing. "Remember first year?"

"The 'but there's no wood' thing?"

Hermione scowled while Harry and Ron laughed even harder.

**Quirrell: Yes, yes well, it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-**

**Voldemort: Achoo!**

"He just-"

"Yep."

"I wonder what would have happened if he actually did sneeze during a class."

**Dumbledore: Did your turban just sneeze?**

**Quirrell: Wh-what? No.**

**Dumbledore: I could have just sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving.**

**Quirrell: No, that-that was simply a fart, excuse me.**

The students burst out laughing.

**Voldemort: Achoo!**

**Harry: Ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh, Holy Jesus, oh my God…ow.**

"You're exaggerating a little there, Harry," Ginny said.

**Voldemort: Achoo!**

**Quirrell: I simply farted once more.**

The students snickered.

**Dumbledore: In accordance to the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from every house will be selected to compete! So, Snape, will you do the honors for me?**

**Snape: Yes Headmaster. First, from the Ravenclaw House, Miss Cho Chang.**

**Cho: Oh my god I won, I can't believe it y'all!**

"I wonder what would happen if Cho saw the musical version of herself."

**Snape: Next from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory.**

**Cedric: Well, I don't **_**find**_** this surprising at all.**

"Please tell me he's not going to make 'find' jokes the whole musical."

**Cho: I find it perfect, now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.**

**Cedric: I'm glad as well, my darling. –kisses her head-**

**Snape: Next, from the Slytherins, Draco Malfoy.**

**Draco: Ha, ho! I finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think of that, huh? I'm the champion this time! **

**Dumbledore: Draco, would you sit down you little shit, champion's just a title.**

The Golden Trio (plus Ginny) laughed while Malfoy facepalmed.

**Snape: And finally, from the Gryffindor House, oh my. Well, isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life…**

**Neville: If-if it's me, I'll just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now, for losing-**

"I can't see Neville competing."

**Snape: Sit down you inarticulate bumble, it's Harry Potter.**

**Ron: Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!**

"That is the exact opposite of the way Ron acted when I was really chosen."

Ron looked down, a little ashamed.

**Dumbledore: Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts' champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything. So let's get to it!**

**Students: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang!**

**Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy! Mal- hey…**

"They're squishing some of our Hogwarts years together." Harry said.

"Like second, fourth, and sixth?"

A note fluttered down. Ginny picked it up and read:

_It includes seventh year as well._

"Okay, that's good. We find out who wins the war."

"And who dies," Harry said gravely. There was silence before Dumbledore spoke up.

"Let's move on to the next video, shall we?"

**Please Review!**


	5. Act 1 Scene 4

**Hey, sorry for not updating Saturday. I was camping. And then I broke my glasses, which I only got two months ago. Ugh. But I finished the chapter!**

**Thanks for all your reviews/favorites/alerts!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own HP or Starkid.**

* * *

Act 1 Scene 4

**Ron: Harry, you've got this tournament in the bag.**

**Harry: I don't know man, Cedric Diggory, he's pretty awesome…NOT! He sucks! I'm totally going win this! It's in the bag.**

Harry raised an eyebrow. _What happened to all the worrying?_

**Ron: Yeah! **

**Hermione: I don't know, Harry-**

_Ah. There it is._

**Ron: Oh my god, Hermione shut up. Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?**

**Hermione: Because, Ron, this is dangerous!**

**Harry: Dangerous, oh come on, Hermione, how dangerous could this be especially for me?**

**Hermione: Well, you're not invincible Harry. **

Harry nodded in agreement.

**Somebody died in this tournament.**

**Harry: Uh, I'm the Boy-That-**_**Lived**_** not **_**died**_**. God. What's the worst that can happen?**

"You could, hmm, I don't know, _die_," Ginny said.

**Hermione: And I don't about that Quirrell character. You know first we resurrects some horrible ancient tournament and then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt and you have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head.**

"_Funky_?"

**Harry: Come on, think about it, Professor Quirrell is a professor and who hires the professors?**

**Ron and Harry: Dumbledore.**

**Harry: Who's the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard-**

**Ron: Beautiful.**

**Harry: -beautiful wizard in the whole world. **

The students started laughing.

**Why, why would he possibly hire somebody who's trying to hurt me?**

**Hermione: Look, I mean, what about Snape?**

Snape glared at Hermione.

**Harry: Yeah, what about him?**

**Hermione: He's hated you for years! And he's hated your parents too, **

Snape looked down; he could never hate Lily.

**Harry, everybody knows that, and he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds if not five possible Gryffindors?**

**Harry: Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!**

**Hermione: No, Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a lot of enemies.**

"I wish I hadn't."

**Harry: Okay.**

**Hermione: Ones you might not even know about.**

**Harry: Alright, let me get this straight: so you think this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me?**

"It is."

**Hermione: I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it.**

"I shouldn't."

**Harry: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out.**

**Hermione: Oh thank you Harry!**

**Ron: Wait, wait, WHAT? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you'd win? Come on!**

"Where was all this support when it actually happened?" Harry said dryly.

Ron looked down.

**Harry: Hey, eternal glory, already got that. Besides, Neville will be a great champion.**

Ron snorted and Hermione whacked him.

**Ron: No, no, no. I do NOT want Shlongbottom to be my champion.**

Everyone laughed.

**Hermione: Look all you have to do-look! There's Dumbledore, why don't you just talk him now and tell him that you're dropping out?**

**Harry: Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really, really cool, we're super tight,**

"We are?"

**I don't want him to think that I'm being lazy or being disrespectful or anything so can you just-why don't you tell him? Just tell him I wanna work on school or something. Alright? Hey, you've got this one. -taps her nose- You're the best.**

"Harry, I swear to Merlin you do that in real life, I will castrate you."

**Hermione: Alright.**

**Harry: You got it. Don't worry about it.**

**Hermione: Dumbledore?**

**Dumbledore: Yes Granger?**

**Hermione: Um, I need to talk to you for a moment. It's about the, uh, House Cup Tournament. Um, well, first of all I think it's an awful idea but, um, second of all I don't think that Harry Potter should compete.**

"I don't think I should compete either."

**Dumbledore: Granger, why do you always have to be such a big stick in the mud, huh? Pray tell, me why Harry Potter should not compete?**

**Hermione: Well, uh, because he wants to study.**

**Dumbledore: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you.**

"It's true." Ron said. Hermione smacked his arm.

**Hermione: Uh, okay, well, he wants to focus on the OWLs.**

**Dumbledore: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool, we're tight!**

"Seriously, are we? I do not remember this."

**Hermione: Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I-I think it's a ruse, a set-up and I even think that Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.  
**Snape rolled his eyes. "I would not try to kill him."

**Dumbledore: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met.**

The Gyrffindors and Slytherin looked mentally scarred after that. Sexy and Snape in the same sentence? No, just…no.

**Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?**

**Snape: Oh why Professor Dumbledore, I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich. [it's a bomb sandwich]**

**Dumbledore: Why thank you Severus! You see Granger, how thoughtful?**

Hermione facepalmed.

**Snape: Here you are Professor, bomb appeti- I mean, bon appetite. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. –sandwich starts ticking-**

**Hermione: Um, is that sandwich ticking?**

**Dumbledore: It looked like it's licking, finger-licking good.**

"Erm, no offense Professor, but you aren't very smart in this musical," Hermione said.

Dumbledore chuckled. "I quite agree, Miss Granger."

**Hermione: Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich.**

**Dumbledore: Why, Granger, you should listen to Snape more often you might even get a sandwich out of it. I don't know. Granger, what the hell-GRANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?**

**BOOM!**

"That seems like something Fred and George would do."

"We are never showing them this musical."

**You dog gone exploded my sandwich!**

**Hermione: I'm sorry sir!**

**Dumbledore: Hey, even if I did believe Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete. You see that Cup? **

**Hermione: Yes!**

**Dumbledore: It's enchanted. Whosever name comes out of the Cup has to compete or the results would be bad.**

"How descriptive," Malfoy drawled.

**Hermione: What do you mean bad?**

**Dumbledore: Well…try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.**

**Hermione: A total platonic reversal!**

Harry, Ron, and Malfoy blinked, obviously not getting anything of what was just said.

**Dumbledore: Yeah, so you see, he has to compete and Hermione, if it makes you feel any better the last guy to die in the tournament was a Hufflepuff**

"Look! More foreshadowing!" Harry bounced up and down in fake excitement.

**so, um, I'll keep my eyes open and nothing's gonna get past old Dumbledore.**

**Hermione: Alright.**

**Dumbledore: I gotta go make myself another sandwich, though I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one. The last one ticked!**

**Hermione: Because it was a bomb… Harry, I'm so sorry but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup Tournament but don't worry! I won't rest until I find out what the first task is.**

Hermione nodded in approval.

**Ron: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.**

"Again, where was this before?"

**Harry: Alright, you guys are awesome.**

"You really are," Harry said, nodding in agreement with his character.

Ron and Hermione smiled.

**Draco: Well, isn't this touching?**

"Does Malfoy ruin everything you guys do?" Ginny said at the same time Malfoy exclaimed, "Why is that giant carrying me?!"

**Ron: Oh my god, just butt out Malfoy!**

**Draco: Goyle and I have a bet you know. He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament. I disagree. I say you won't last five minutes at Pigfarts.**

"What is that?"

"Hermione's eyebrows furrowed, "I'm not sure."

Everyone gaped at her.

"What? Just because I don't know something doesn't mean it's the end of the world…"

**Harry: What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?**

**Draco: Oh, never heard of it? Huh, figures, famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts.**

"No one knows about it," Ron said.

"Not even Hermione," Harry added.

"Which means it probably doesn't exist," Ginny concluded.

**Harry: Malfoy, don't act like you don't wanna talk about it. That's like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts. What's Pigfarts?**

**Draco: Pigfarts is only the greatest Wizarding School in the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year.**

**Hermione: Malfoy, I've never heard of that.**

**Draco: That's because Pigfarts is on Mars.**

"Now that's just stupid. How are you supposed to get to Mars?"

**Harry: You know Malfoy, we're trying to have a conversation here so can you just leave us alone?**

**Draco: No, no, I'm not even here.**

**Harry: Anyway, I think I know how we can find out what the first task is from Dumbledore-**

**Draco: Dumbledore! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar.**

"Oh, I get it. It's like a parody of Hogwarts."

**Goyle: Rumbleroar!**

**Harry: Anways, as I was saying, we-**

**Draco: Rumbleroar's the Headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion. Who can talk.**

"Next thing she's going to say is that is middle name is Aslan," Hermione grumbled.

"Who?"

"Nevermind…"

**Harry: Malfoy,** **if you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here. What, you're not even eating, get out of here.**

**Draco: I can't help it if we can hear everything you say; we're the only ones in here.**

**Harry: Just, c'mon Malfoy, just get out of here please?**

**Draco: Where are supposed to go?**

**Harry: Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts?**

"Good one." Ron said, chuckling.

**Draco: Ha ha ha, ha ha, now you're just being cute.** **I can't go to Pigfarts, it's on Mars. You need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you do. **

"Why would I need a rocketship?"

**You know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died.**

Harry glared at Malfoy.

**Look at this!** **Look at this. Look at it, Rocketship Potter! Oh, oh, Starkid Potter! Moonshoes Potter, traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts.**

**Harry: Alright, that's it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me, but if you bring my parents into this it's a whole other story.**

**Draco: Whoa, not's so fast Potter! Crabbe! Goyle!**

"And as always, Malfoy let's others do his dirty work."

**Harry: Oh, sure just-**

**Goyle: Back off nerd!**

**Harry: Whoa, whoa, scary, scary!**

Harry snorted. "I am _not_ scared of Goyle."

**Draco: Not's so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging ginger and his stupid Mudblood girlfriend.**

Ron an Hermione glared at Malfoy, who shrunk down in his seat.

**Hermione: Oh, that is it Malfoy! Jelly-Legs Jinx!**

"That's not the right incantation!"

**Draco: Oh come on!**

**Goyle: Hey, no fair, our legs are jelly!**

"Way to point out the obvious, idiot."

**Hermione: Take it back Malfoy.**

**Draco: Take what back?**

**Hermione: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!**

**Ron: Yeah and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true.**

Harry and Ginny glanced at each other. They knew that their friends did want it to be at least a little bit true.

**Hermione: And say you're sorry for calling me a You-Know-What.**

**Draco: I'm sorry!**

**Hermione: And you promise you'll never do it again?**

**Draco: I promise!**

**Hermione: Alright. Now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it. Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here. Bedsides, you already ate all my lunch.**

"They're getting Ron right too, or at least a little." Ginny said.

"Oi!"

**Harry: Wow, thanks Hermione.**

**Hermione: Yeah. Unjellify!**

**Ron: Wow, that was, like, the most badass thing I've ever seen. Too bad no one was here to see it, though. It was like an outburst of pent-up aggression like RAWR, Hermione…**

"Why is it that in most of her best moments, no one sees it?" Ron pondered.

"Like Malfoy in third year?"

"Exactly!" Ron exclaimed while Malfoy colored.

**Goyle: Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff. **

"I'm so using that now."

**We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd.**

**Draco: I didn't mean what I said you know. Pigfarts is real. Am I, am I bleeding? Goyle.**

**Goyle: -sniff- No.**

The students laughed.

**Draco: I thought maybe, maybe it was a little bit… Wow. I've never been pushed down like that by a girl. Maybe I shouldn't call her a Mud-whatever.**

**Goyle: I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter-curse was just Unjellify.**

"That's not right either."

**Draco: Right. I'm not surprised. Come on, let's go watch **_**Wizards of Waverly Place.**_

"What the hell is _Wizards of Waverly Place_?" Malfoy asked.

"Sounds like a TV show," Hermione said.

"About wizards. That live at Waverly Place." Ginny added.

Malfoy scowled.

"Next video," Snape said. "I want this over with."

**Please Review!**


	6. Act 1 Scene 5

**Oh yeah, another chapter :) Happy birthday to Mrs. Weasley! And I hope you guys have an amazing Halloween dressed up as Draco and rolling all over the place like the devoted fans you are (just kidding).**

**Thanks for all of your amazing reviews and favorites/alerts. You guys are great!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

* * *

Act 1 Scene 5

**Quirrell: Fools! They're all fools. They think they're safe, they think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses or should I say on the back of their heads?**

**Voldemort: -coughs- I can't breathe in that damn turban.**

Everyone burst out laughing. Even Snape cracked a smile.

"That's Voldemort?!"

"But he's so hot!"

"Gross, Ginny!"

"I don't mean it like that! I mean the guy that plays him; he's really cute."

**Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, it's a necessary precaution, for if they knew that you lived, that when Harry Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on.**

**Voldemort: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest, eating bugs and mushrooms and, ugh, unicorn blood.**

"I wonder how that actually tastes," Ron said thoughtfully.

**Quirrell: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.**

"No one would do that willingly."

"Apparently Quirrel did."

**Voldemort: Yes, nobody must know any of that.** **Now, Quirrell, get me some water. Now Quirrell, pour it my mouth.**

The students laughed as Quirrel poured the water in Voldemort's mouth.

"Do you think he really had to do that?"

"It would be hilarious if he did."

**Quirrell: You're plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my liege.**

**Voldemort: Yes, yes, yes, I'm done with the water. We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall.**

**Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, you sneezed.**

**Voldemort: I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine!** **Wash that turban, it tickles my nose.**

"Ew," Ginny wrinkled her nose.

"I hope he washed it in first year, because that's just disgusting." Hermione said.

**Quirrell: Yes, my Dark King.**

**Voldemort: Okay, just relax with the Dark King, okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily.**

"That must have been awkward for him."

**You can call me Voldemort, we're there. We've reached that point.**

**Quirrell: Yes, yes my-Voldemort.**

**Voldemort: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so close! I could've touched him.**

"I'm glad he didn't."

**Revenge is at my fingertips, Quirrell. I can taste it…it tastes like cool mints.**

**Quirrell: That's our Listerine, Voldemort.**

"I will never look at my mouth wash the same ever again."

**Voldemort: Yes, excellent. Well, goodnight Quirrell.**

**Quirrell: Goodnight.**

**Voldemort: Okay, okay, I can't do this. We gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy.**

"Oh wow."

**Quirrell: I always sleep on my back; I have back troubles. It's the only way I'm comfortable.**

**Voldemort: You roll over right now or I'll…I'll eat your pillow!** **You'd be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow but really you'll wake up and your favorite goose feather pillow will be missing.**

"Has that ever really happened?"

"I'm sure that only happens in the movies, Ron."

**Quirrell: Fine we'll compromise; we'll sleep on our side.**

**Voldemort: Okay, I guess I can do this.**

**Quirrell: Now, goodnight.**

**Voldemort: Goodnight Quirrell… Hey Quirrell?**

"Oh my God, what now?" Malfot groaned.

**How long have those robes been on that chair?**

**Quirrell: I think they're from last night, I just put them there for now.**

**Voldemort: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan for these?**

"You have got to be kidding me."

**Quirrell: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and maybe put them away in the morning, okay?**

**Voldemort: Ah, no! No, no that's not okay!**

"Why not? Everyone does that…"

**I can't go to sleep knowing there are dirty clothes on that chair. The chair's gonna start smelling like dirty clothes.**

**Quirrell: Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning.**

**Voldemort: You put them away right now! I command you to get up and fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile.**

"This Voldemort seems much more…organized than the real one."

**Quirrell: Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learn to live with each other.** **Now I've been single for all my life and I have some habits, and sometimes I leave laundry around.**

**Voldemort: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their place, and so do. Your. Clothes! Namely, a dresser!**

"Well, if the robes are dirty he should at least wash them before putting them in a dresser."

**Quirrell: Well, aren't we an odd couple? (singing) You won't sleep on your tummy.**

"Here we go."

**Voldemort: You won't sleep on your back.**

**Both: We're quite the kooky couple you'll agree.**

**Quirrell: We share some hands and fingers.**

**Voldemort: And yet the feeling lingers.**

**Both: We're just about as different as anyone can be.**

"They are."

**Voldemort: You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill.**

**Quirrell: You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill!** **Sipping tea by the fire is swell.**

**Voldemort: Pushing people in is fun as well. I like folding all of my ties.**

"He doesn't even wear them."

**Quirrell: And you have no friends, hey, that's a surprise.**

**Both: As anyone can see when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can be.**

**Voldemort: You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of Lords.**

"Suuuure."

**Quirrell: I'm the brightest professor here, I've won several awards!**

**Voldemort: My new world's about to unfold.**

**Quirrell: You got beat by a two year old.**

"I was 14 months, get your facts straight."

**Voldemort: I'll kill him this time through and through.**

**Quirrell: Or you just might give him another tattoo.**

"It's not a tattoo!"

**Both: We really must agree when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can-**

**Voldemort: I'll rise again and I'll rule the world! But you must help me renew. For when our plan succeeds.**

**Quirrell: Prevails! **

**Voldemort: Part of that world goes to you.**

**Quirrell: When I rule the world, I'll plant flowers!**

"He's such a girl."

**Voldemort: When I rule the world I'll have snakes.**

**Quirrell: And Jane Austen novels!**

"She's amazing."

**Voldemort: And goblins and werewolves, a fleet of Dementors and giants and threstals and all my Death Eaters!**

**Both: When I rule the world! –evil laughter-**

"Weirdest part of the musical yet."

"I agree. Next scene!"

**Please Review!**


	7. Act 1 Scene 6

**Ugh, I was going to put this up this morning, but I had to go see my grandparents, who are visiting from Portland, Oregon.**

**Also, I don't think I'm going to put in any Harry/Ginny (or Ron/Hermione) in this story until it actually happens in the musical. It will be hinted at throughout the chapters before those scenes though.**

**Thanks for all the amazing reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

Act 1 Scene 6

**-Harry is playing guitar while Hermione is writing something-**

**Hermione: Harry, don't you think you should try and figure what the first task is gonna be? You can actually die if you're not ready.**

"Really? It's not like I could tell by the HUNGRY FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON." Harry said sarcastically.

**Harry: What? Come on. I mean, can't you just do it for me? Can't you just prepare all my stuff for me? What are you doing right now?**

**Hermione: I'm writing your Potions essay.**

"She better not have," Snape said, glaring at Harry.

"She hasn't!"

**Harry: Oh, well do that first 'cause that's due tomorrow.**

**Hermione: Oh, ok. But after that, after that can you prepare for the first task? Please? **

**Hermione: Sure. Yeah.**

**Thank you. You are the best. -taps her nose-**

"Quit tapping my nose!"

**You got it, thanks Hermione. Hey Ginny, come here.**

"Oh great, my character again. I bet I'll act even worse than before."

**I wanna show you something, come here.**

**Ginny: Hey Harry Potter.**

**Harry: Listen, I wanna play this song I'm working on. It's met this girl I that really really like and I wanna let her know she's really special.**

"Oh my God, someone please tell he's not about to-"

"I'm afraid he is."

**So, I just wanna know what you think just for purposes of now, 'cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'm gonna put your name where her name should be.**

"_Should_ be? So it's not me." Ginny looked slightly disappointed.

**But I don't think it's really going to work out because, well, let me just give it a shot. (singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really, really skinny…Ginny.**

"But…my name does fit." Ginny looked surprised.

**I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie, Ginny.** **I wanna take you to the city, gonna take you out to dinny, Ginny. You're cuter than a guinea pig, wanna take you up to Winnipeg, that's in Canada!**

"We should go to Winnipeg!" Ron exclaimed.

"NO."

**Pretty Ginny, Gin- (talking) you know what…** **This doesn't work for your name at all.**

"But it does," Ginny protested, blushing slightly. Harry was looking a little pink at the end as well.

**I mean, I don't know, how does it make you feel emotionally?**

**Ginny: Wow! Wowee Harry Potter!**

"I will never say the word 'wow' again."

**Harry: Don't you think it could, I don't know, make a girl fall in love with me?**

**Ginny: I think it already has.**

**Harry: Awesome, 'cause it's for Cho Chang.**

"Thank you, Harry, for killing my character's spirit." Ginny said dryly.

"Erm, sorry?" Harry replied meekly.

**Ginny: Oh yeah, she's beautiful.**

**Harry: What are you, nuts? Beautiful? More like super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot!**

"I'm using that from now on," Ron said. Harry nodded in agreement.

**She's the bestest girl I've ever met. She's far more attractive, far more appealing, far more interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends.** **Far more better and awesome.**

"My character's spirit is now completely dead."

**Ron: What's up Neville? –slaps-**

**Neville: Ah!**

**Ron: Move, move, move, move, move, move, move. Awesome. Hey, Harry what's up? So, I was just off stage, hanging out with Hagrid**

"He just said off-stage." Ron said pointlessly.

"Yes, Ron. That was the point." Hermione explained patiently.

**and I was, uh, I saw these delivery wizards bringing giant cages into the dungeons. I don't know what that's for.**

**Hermione: Giant cages? I bet whatever's in those cages has something to do with the first task. Harry we have to find out what it is.**

**Harry: Hey, hey guys chill. I'm busy. –plays guitar again-**

"Can you even play that thing?" Malfoy asked suddenly.

"No," Harry shook his head. "Though I always wanted to."

**Hermione: Harry Potter. –takes guitar-**

**Ron: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!**

**Ginny: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!**

"Extreme reactions."

**Hermione: Guys, now listen this could be a matter of life and death.**

**Ron: Well, it doesn't matter because it's after hours, okay, and we can't leave Gryffindor House and we'll probably get in trouble if we do and even if we do, Shlongbottom over there will probably tell on us.**

**Hermione: Neville won't tell.**

**Neville: Oh yes, I certainly will!**

"He wouldn't tell. Maybe in first year he would have, but not now."

**Ron: So, what're we going to do?**

**Hermione: It's simple guys, the Cloak.**

"Great. Now Snape will know about the Cloak," Harry grumbled to Ron.

**Ron: Of course.**

**All Four: The Cloak.**

**Ginny: Wait, what cloak?**

The real Ginny looked a little confused as well.

**Ron: Shut up! **

**Harry: When I was a little boy at Hogwarts, I got a present, I got a present left to me, oh bye Neville, I got a present left to me at my first year at Hogwarts and, uh, it was left to me by my dad, the dad that's dead. My father is dead. I have a dead father.**

Harry frowned. "They didn't have to say it so many times. I know he's dead."

**I use it to solve mysteries and stuff.** **My Invisibility Cloak!**

"So that's how you get away with things," Malfoy muttered.

"I can't believe you got your father's stupid cloak," Snape groaned.

**Ginny: Wow, oh boy wowee Harry Potter, you have a real Invisibility Cloak. Oh, oh, oh, oh, you know what I would do if I had an Invisibility Cloak?**

**Harry: Oh man, I would-I would, I'd kick wiener dogs.**

"That's awful."

**Ron: And I would pretend to be a ghost and I would scare people.**

"That's mean."

**Hermione: I would use it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror.**

"That's sad."

**Harry: That's emotional.**

**Ginny: Well, actually, I was gonna say that I would use it to fake my own death and watch people cry at the funeral.**

"That's-"

"We get it Hermione!" Ron said exasperatedly. "And anways, Gin, you think we're gonna let you die anytime soon? That's not happening."

**Harry: Okay, anyway, let's get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom, alright? Let's get out of here.**

**Ron: Who, whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going?**

**Ginny: Um, with you guys?**

**Ron: No, no, no way, no kid sisters allowed, okay?**

Ginny glared at Ron.

**Besides, there's only enough room under this cloak for two people so, um, come on Hermione, come on.**

"We would never go without Hermione."

"Oh no," Ginny's eyes widened as some music came on. "I'm about to sing!"

**Ginny (singing): The way his hair falls in his eyes makes me wonder if he'll ever see through my disguise and I'm under his spell. Everything has fallen and I don't know where to land. Everyone knows who he is, but they don't know who I am. Harry! Harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me?** **I've seen you conquer certain death. Even when you're just standing there, you take away my breath, and maybe someday you'll hear my song and understand that all along there's something more that I'm trying to say!** **When I say Harry! Harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me? What you're doing to me…**

Both Harry and Ginny were bright red when the song was over. Ron looked torn between laughing and glaring at his best friend. Hermione just looked amused while Malfoy chuckled quietly. Dumbledore had that annoying twinkle in his eye and Snape looked bored.

"Well, that was interesting," Hermione said. "Next one!"

**Please Review!**


	8. Act 1 Scene 7

**Hey fanfictioners! Last week, when I went to a party for my grandparents, all the adults were talking (I was just sitting there awkwardly while all of my other cousins hogged the computer and played Minecraft) and one of my aunts called me the Black Sheep of the family. My first thought: "OH MY GODS, I'M JUST LIKE SIRIUS!" It totally made my week :)**

**Thanks for all of your totally awesome reviews. I can't believe I'm already at 46! I don't suppose I could have at least 50 by next chapter?**

**Disclaimer: No ownership of Harry Potter of Starkid.**

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Act 1 Scene 7

**Quirrell: Master, Master, the shipments for the first task of the tournament have just arrived!**

"Shouldn't Voldemort know this already? I mean he's on the back of Quirrell's head, you'd think he hears everything Quirrell does."

**Voldemort: Yes, I know Quirrell; I hear everything that you hear.**

"Harry thinks like Voldemort!"

"Shut up Ron, it's not that funny."

**Quirrell: Isn't it wonderful Master, we made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn from the Cup and soon he will be ours.**

**Voldemort: Yes, it's really happening, isn't it Quirrell? You know, with the plan going so well, I feel like maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell? How's about we go out? I hear its karaoke night down at the Hog's head.**

"Did he just…" Malfoy looked at the screen weirdly.

"He did." Ron replied.

"Aaw, that's adorable!" Hermione cooed.

"Hermione, it's Voldemort."

"So?"

"Do they even have a karaoke at the Hog's Head?" Harry asked.

"No," Dumbledore said quietly. "They do not."

**Quirrell: I don't' know, I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind.**

**Voldemort: Come on, Quirrell, you've been working so hard all year. You deserve a night off.**

**Quirrell: But the papers.**

**Voldemort: Oh, just give them all B-'s and be done with it!**

Hermione's jaw dropped. "He-he better not have done anything like that!"

"Hermione, most of us would have liked that. It would only bother you and maybe the Ravenclaws." Ron said.

"If we had a Muggle grading system, of course." Harry added. "There are no B-'s in the Wizarding world."

**Quirrell: Now that's evil.**

**Voldemort: Yeah thanks, I am the Dark Lord. Come on, just a few drinks. And we'll try to pick up some chicks.**

Harry choked on some butterbeer he had asked for right before the scene started.

"That's just gross," Ron said. Malfoy, Hermione, Snape, and even Dumbledore were staring at the screen looking highly disturbed.

**Quirrell: I wouldn't know what to say, I'm no good at that.**

**Voldemort: Come on, it'll be fun. You just move your lips and I'll do the talking.**

"I do _not _want to know what he'd even say in a situation like that."

**Quirrell: -hesitates-**

**Voldemort: Quirrell…man…listen! I may just be a parasite on the back of your head, literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath, but I can see that you're too good a guy not to have a bit of fun every once in a while. You deserve this.**

"Not really."

**Quirrell: Well if you put it that way, then yeah, let's just go wild tonight!**

"Please don't."

**Voldemort: That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts**

"What's the difference between wizard shorts and regular shorts?"

**And grab your tunic. Quirrell, we are gonna get you laid.** **Seriously man, back when I had a body, whoo, I had mad game with the bitches; just ask Bellatrix Lestrange.**

Everyone was looking rather green after this announcement.

"That's my aunt," Draco said in a small voice.

"Waay too much information." Ron said.

"I could have gone my whole life without knowing that." Harry agreed.

**Ron: Well, um, this cloak isn't as big as it used to be.**

"Obviously," Snape drawled.

**Hermione: Sh! Someone's coming.**

**Draco: Did you just hear something?**

**Goyle: No, only quiet. Maybe one raindrop.**

"Is Goyle even smart enough to know what a raindrop is?"

**Draco: No matter. Tell me Goyle, who do think is the ugliest girl in school?**

**Goyle: Uh…oh Buckbeak for sure.**

"I don't think Buckbeak's a girl."

**Draco: Crabbe?**

**Crabbe: Oh, Winky the House Elf.**

Hermione frowned and opened her mouth. Before she could start a rant on house-elves though, Ron covered her mouth with his hand. He took it off a minute later and Hermione was too flustered to lecture anyone after that.

**Draco: Good one, obscure! Y'know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermione Granger.**

Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione glared at Malfoy. He shrunk back into his chair and avoided their gaze.

**Do you know what I'd give her on a scale of one to ten, with one-one would be the ugliest and ten is pretty, I would give her…an eight.**

"Aw, Malfoy thinks I'm pretty!"

"I do not!" Malfoy replied and immediately regretted it when Ron and Harry started to glare at him again.

**An eight point five or a nine. Not-not over a nine point eight.** **Yes, because** **there is always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect-like me**

"Since when were you perfect?"

Malfoy looked like he was about to say something (probably an insulting something) but Snape shot him a look that clearly said 'Don't.'

**That's why I am holding out for a ten…because I'm worth it.**

Ron snorted.

**Come on, let's go.**

**Harry, Hermione, Ron: -gasps-**

**Harry: Wow, what a bunch of jerks.**

Harry nodded in agreement with himself.

**Hermione: Alright, forget them, where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?**

**Ron: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so it should be at the end of this hallway to the left.**

**Harry: Look!**

**Hermione: A goat?**

**Harry: A goat? Oh my god, I have to fight a goat.**

"If only," Harry grumbled.

**I don't know if I can do that morally.**

**Snape: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time, Headmaster.**

**Dumbledore: Feeding time, dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!**

"Yeah, 'cause it's a good idea to let a dragon loose to hunt in a school full of teenagers." Harry said sarcastically.

**Harry: Did he just say dragons?**

**Snape: Did you just say did he just say dragons?**

**Dumbledore: I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to have shut up, Potter.**

**The students laughed.**

"This Dumbledore is great!" Ron said, still laughing. The Dumbledore in the room raised an eyebrow.

"Not that you aren't great to Professor," Ron added quickly.

**Snape: Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?**

"It's not."

**Dumbledore: Oh Snape, I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore. Like here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow.**

Hermione's brow furrowed. _More foreshadowing? Hmm, maybe…_

**Snape: Why, that's absurd.**

**Dumbledore: Severus, let's go to bed. Have you ever seen my room, I have some pretty kicking posters on my wall.**

"I do not like what that's insinuating." Ginny said, looking disgusted.

**Harry, Hermione, Ron: -gasps-**

**Snape: Well, I am rather tired.**

**Harry: Ah man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon? I'm just a little kid!**

"I was fourteen!"

**Ron: Alright, well, maybe it won't be that bad Harry, maybe-maybe you'll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan or like, I don't know, maybe-I don't know maybe like Puff the Magic Dragon or something.**

"Who are they?" Malfoy asked at the same time as Ron. They glared at each other when they realized they said the same thing.

"Muggle dragons," Hermione answered. "They're rather pathetic compared to the ones in the Wizarding world."

**Hermione: Ron, this is serious, okay? Harry will die.**

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Hermione." Harry said wryly.

"It's not me!" she protested.

**Now look, there's still time alright, we just need to figure out a plan.**

**Harry: Okay, we should probably do that back in the Common Room, where's-wait, where's the Invisibility Cloak?**

**Ron: Oh, I threw it over on that magical walking chair over there…oh crap.**

**Harry: That's gonna be an issue.**

**Ron: Yeah.**

Harry gaped. "I can't believe you lost the Cloak!"

"But I didn't. My character did."

"If you ever lose my cloak for real, I will not hesitate to hex you."

"Erm, can we move on before Harry kills me with his glare?" Ron gulped.

"I don't know, I'm kinda enjoying this…"

"Ginny!"

"Oh fine. We'll move on."

**Please Review!**


	9. Act 1 Scene 8

**OMIGODS 50 REVIEWS! Thankyouthankyouthankthankyo u! You guys are the best :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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Act 1 Scene 8

**Quirrell: I thought walking home drunk was hard before.**

Everyone burst out laughing at the sight of a drunk Quirrellmort.

**Voldemort: We should have realized that with both of us drinking into one belly we'd get twice as drunk. Hey Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, **

"Did he really have to so it so many times?"

"Well, he's drunk."

**You remember that girl you were talking to, you remember that girl you were talking to well I was talking to her sister on my side.**

**Quirrell: Oh, so that's why she freaked out when we stood up. **

**Both: She didn't know that we were the same person!**

"Did the girl not realize she was talking to Voldemort?"

"Maybe she was a Muggle."

**Quirrell: You know I haven't had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nick's Death Day Party of '91.**

"Those are so not fun." Hermione and Ron nodded in agreement to Harry's statement.

**Voldemort: I haven't had this much fun since, uh yeah, well shit I can't ever remember having this much fun!**

"Maybe that's why he's so evil."

**Quirrell: You never had fun, ever? Doing-doing anything? Maybe that's why you're so evil.**

"Potter's like Quirrell!"

"Shut up, Malfoy."

**Voldemort: Yeah, maybe. Definitely to do with the fact that Muggles and Mudbloods make me sick to my stomach.**

Hermione gave a humph of indignation.

**But uh-but uh, yeah I guess you could be right. I guess. I mean it's kind of funny.**

**Quirrell: What is it Voldemort?**

**Voldemort: Oh it's just that I never-I never ever really ever-I never really ever, ever really ever considered another reason for me being so evil because normally I just kill people that try to get me to open up you know?**

"Poor Quirrell has to die now. Pity. He was cute too."

**Oops! But, uh, it's kinda nice to just talk.**

**Quirrell: Yeah, you know I have to admit, I was kind of nervous when you demanded to attach yourself to my soul.**

"Really?" Harry said sarcastically.

**Voldemort: Yeah, I could sense that.**

**Quirrell: But like, now I think it's-it's kinda cool. It's like having a really close roommate or even a-**

**Voldemort: Yeah, like a slave, like a-like a Death Eater.**

"He's hopeless."

**Quirrell: No man,** **it's like having a friend.**

"Aaw," Ginny cooed.

"That's so sweet!" Hermione said.

**Voldemort: I've never had a friend before.**

**Quirrell: Well, it looks like you got one now.**

**Voldemort: Who would have thought at the beginning of this year we would feel like that for each other? I guess everything is different between us now, huh?**

"Here comes that song again."

**Quirrell (singing): I guess it's plain to see, when you look at you and me. We're different, different as can be.**

**Both: We simply guarantee when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can be.**

**Quirrell: It's a comedy of sorts, when you're bound to Voldemort.**

**Voldemort: And I'm happy as squirrel, as long as I'm with Mr. Quirrell.**

The students laughed as Voldemort rolled his R's.

**Both: We'll lead him to the slaughter and we'll murder Harry Potter.**

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't."

**We're different, different, different, different as can be!**

"Well, that was odd."

"No kidding."

"Does every scene involve talk of me dying?"

"Probably."

Harry groaned.

"Let's just move on…"

**Please Review!**


	10. Act 1 Scene 9

**Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers! If you don't live in America...uh, happy random update? And Booksmusiclove, I ****agree, some seem short, though I do write all the lines. But some scenes are shorter than others, resulting in a shorter chapter.**

**Thanks for all the reviews/favorites/alerts!**

**Disclaimer: I have no ownership over HP or AVPM.**

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Act 1 Scene 9

**Snape: The Hogwarts Champions shall now enter the champions' tent in preparation for the first task.**

**Harry: Man, I can't believe I gotta skip lunch period for this stupid task.**

Harry facepalmed. "Really? That's all I have to say?"

**Hermione: Okay Harry, today's the day, the day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read those notes that I wrote for you on dragons?**

"Probably not."

**Harry: No.**

**Hermione: What, why not?**

"They were probably super boring."

**Harry: Are you kidding me, they were so boring.**

**Hermione: So you didn't read them, you didn't prepare at all, you're not prepared at all?**

**Harry: Well no, but at least I have my wand…um, I brought my-**

"Oh Merlin, I forgot my wand? How stupid am I?"  
"Very."

"Shut up Malfoy."

**Hermione: Here.**

**Harry: Hey. -nose tap- You're the best.**

"Harry!"

"I'm sorry! It's not me!"

**Hermione: Harry, just please don't die today. I don't wanna see my best friend get eaten by a dragon.**

**Harry: Hey, just relax, okay, save the tears for my funeral.**

Hermione glared at Harry.

**Cedric: So tell me more about this Pigfarts, I find it to be very interesting.**

"Oh God, we're back to the 'find' jokes."

**Draco: Well, while you're there you have to wear your spacesuit at all times because there's no atmosphere on Mars.** **So, if a single docking bay door opens, you'll probably die.**

**Cedric: My, how dreadful.**

"Um, duh!"

**Draco: Well, the good news is, if you're a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his back.**

"Must be awkward for Rumbleroar." Ginny said.

**Cedric: And he's the Headmaster Lion?**

**Draco: Who can talk.**

**Cedric: Oh, well hello, Harry, how are you feeling today?**

**Harry: Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive.**

"It's so obvious you don't like him." Ron said.

**Cedric: Well good, I'm a fine day myself. Miss Granger.**

"He's way too cheerful."

**Hermione: Hello.**

**Cho: Sugar Pie!**

**Cedric: My darling.** **Was that a kiss for good luck?**

**Cho: No, that was being so cotton-picking cute! This one's for good luck.**

**Harry: I hate that guy.**

"No I don't!"

**Hermione: It's okay Harry, you're gonna be great.**

**Dumbledore: Hello-AH! God Granger, I thought you were a boggart. I'm terrified of those things.**

"That's the point."

**And what the hell are you doing in the champions' tent, get out of here. Ten more points!**

**Harry: Thanks Hermione!**

"They say that a lot."

**Dumbledore: Are you kids ready to fight a dragon?**

"They're just children," Snape grumbled.

**Of course not, you're just children. What the hell I'm thinking?**

"I would like to know that too."

**Outside of this tent are thousands upon thousands of screaming fans. They'll either be cheering for you or the dragon, but either way they're gonna be making some kind of noise.**

"Who would cheer for the dragon?"

**So, in order for the selection process to be fair, I am going to randomly select a card-board cut-out sized version of the dragon you will competing. For you Cedric, Puff the Magic Dragon.**

"What the heck is that?" Malfoy questioned.

"Muggle fictional dragon."

**Figment the Imaginary Dragon –hands to Cho-,**

"Also Muggle."

**The Reluctant Dragon –hands to Draco-,**

"Muggle."

**And for you Potter, the Hungarian Horntail, the most terrifying you've ever seen your whole life!**

"That is so unfair. They get the cutest, weakest dragons ever and I get that?"

**If there are no more complaints than I'll-**

**Harry: Wait, wait, hold on a second! This is terrifying; those are the cutest things I've ever seen.**

"Exactly!"

**Dumbledore: -gestures to Pigment the Imaginary Dragon- This thing is horrifying, just use your imagination.** **Disapparate!**

**Ron: My god, this competition's gonna suck all these dragons are wimps. Accio Double-Stuff.**

"Ron eats a lot in this."

"He eats a lot in real life too, Hermione."

"Hey!"

**Look at that one-OH MY GOD, MONSTER!**

"Hell yeah it's a monster!"

**Is that yours?**

**Harry: Yeah.**

**Ron: Oh my god, it's awesome can I hold it? -takes dragon- Oh my god, this thing is terrifying; I hope the real thing is smaller. Argh! Ferocious, what are you gonna do?**

**Harry: I don't know, I'm not cut out for this-**

"Obviously, I'm two years younger than I was when I actually fought it in this!"

**Hermione: Ron, Ron you can't be in here, this is the champions' tent!**

**Snape: Miss Granger, what the devil are you doing in the champions' tent? Ten points from Gryffindor.**

"Hermione keeps losing points instead of earning them in this."

**Ron: Ugh.**

**Harry: Thanks Hermione.**

**Ron: Thanks Hermione.**

**Ron: Hey, good luck buddy. Bye Snape.**

**Snape: Bye.**

"Since when have I been on friendly terms with Snape?"

Snape just glared at the screen.

**Cedric Diggory, now is your chance to face your dragon.**

**Cedric: Alright fellas, wish me luck.**

**Cho: I believe in you.**

**Cedric: That's all I needed to hear.**

"They are way too…mushy."

"I hear ya."

**Harry: Malfoy, tell you what, I'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give you the chance to switch dragons with me; I'll give you that opportunity.**

"Psh, like I'd trade with you." Malfoy scoffed.

**Tell you what, don't worry about it.**

**Malfoy: Um, let think about…no.**

**Harry: Come on, I'll give you my Gushers.**

"What the hell are Gushers?"

"Muggle snack."

**Malfoy: Oh no, no, I have a Fruit by the Foot, I don't want Gushers.**

"A Fruit by the Foot is also a Muggle thing." Hermione explained before anyone asked.

**Snape: Cho Chang, your dragon a waits.**

**Cho: Well, I can't imagine this would be very hard.**

**Snape: Then I imagine it won't be.**

The students laughed as Cho and Snape laughed and ran of screen together. Snape just looked at the screen like he wanted to smash it.

**Harry: Come on, tell you what, I'll throw in my Teddy Grams with the Gushers, you can make little Gusher-Teddy Gram sandwiches.**

**Draco: Alright, you throw in that pack of Bugles and you got yourself a deal.**

"More Muggle stuff."

**Harry: Absolutely not.**

"WHAT!? Are you freaking kidding me? I would have totally traded!"

**Snape: Draco Malfoy…**

**Harry: Professor Snape, is there any way that I can, I don't know, forfeit or switch dragons or even just take the day off?**

"I wish."

**What are you doing?**

**Snape: I'm protecting you Potter. Welsh Green Backs can't stand the taste of Heintz tomato ketchup.**

"They do?"

**Harry: But I'm not fighting a Welsh Green Back, I'm fighting a Hungarian Horntail.**

**Snape: Oh, well silly me, Heintz tomato ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails love best of all.**

"Oh, come on!"

**There you go Potter.**

**Harry: What?**

**Dumbledore: And now Harry Potter will fight the terrifying Hungarian Horntail, the most terrifying thing you'll ever see your whole life. It should be noted that this particular dragon has not been fed in two weeks.**

"It was actually fed when I really did compete, right?"

"I assure you, Mr. Potter, that the dragon was fed."

**Hermione: Come on Harry.**

**Ron: Harry! Woo!**

**Harry: AHHH! –everyone screams as dragon bites Harry- Oh my god, uh, uh, uh, Accio Guitar! (singing)**

"I'm going to sing to it?"

**Hey Dragon, you don't gotta do this. Let's reevaluate our options, throw away our old presumptions 'cause really you don't gotta go through with this. I'm really not that special, the Boy-Who-Lived is only flesh and bone.**

Harry nodded in agreement.

**The truth is in the end, I'm pretty useless without friends; in fact I'm alone. I spend my time at school trying to be this cool guy I never even asked for. I don't know any spells, still manage to do well, but there's only so long that can last for. I'm living off the glory of a stupid children's story that I had nothing to do with. I just sat there and got lucky**

"I do get lucky a lot."

**So level with me buddy, I can't defeat thee, so please don't eat me. All I can do is sing this song for you, la-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Harry: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Harry: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Both: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Harry: You never asked to be a dragon. I never asked to be a champion!**

"I really didn't want to be one."

**We both just jumped on this bandwagon, when all we need is guitar jammin'.**

**Harry: So la-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Harry: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la-la-la…**

**Harry: Goodnight Dragon. 1-2-3 I beat the dragon!**

"That's seriously how I beat the dragon? What happened to the almost dying to get the egg?"

**Ron: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!**

"That was just-I think-why wasn't it like that in real life?" Harry whined.

Ginny giggled at patted his back. "Don't worry, Harry, I'm sure you'll see another dragon at some point."

Harry groaned.

**Please Review!**


	11. Act 1 Scene 10

**Heya people. This is probably my longest chapter _ever_. Yaay...**

**Also, one of my friends tried Squirt and said it wasn't bad. I don't get it, cause only Harry likes that hogshit ;) And the 'Bang Head Here' thing actually exists, there's one in my school's annex. It's awesome.**

**Thanks for all of your reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

* * *

Act 1 Scene 10

**Snape: Attention all Hogwarts students, tonight is our annual Yule Ball**

"Oh Godric," Harry muttered.

**So please remember to pick your Yule Ball wreath and give it to that special someone. –Ginny walks in- Ah, Ginger!**

"Really? Ginger jokes? Again?"

**Ginny: Oh, hey Harry Potter!**

**Harry: Oh, hi Ginny.**

**Ginny: Fancy seeing you here, huh?**

**Harry: Uh, it's the cafeteria, so yeah.**

"We don't have a cafeteria…"

"They must mean the Great Hall."

**Ginny: Um, so um, the Yule Ball is coming up, huh?**

**Harry: Yeah, I know it is, very soon, yeah.**

**Ginny: Well, were you thinking of going with anybody?**

"Oh no," said Ginny, realizing what her character was going to do.

**Harry: I was, I was actually just waiting for the right time to ask somebody and I think, I think that time is about now. So, if you got something to say just get it out.**

**Ginny: -squeals and hands out Yule Ball wreath to Harry-**

"Oh my God," Ginny facepalmed.

**Harry: Oh, is this for me? Ah, Ginny, how did you know that I needed a wreath so I could ask Cho Chang, you're the best! –takes wreath-**

"I'm really stupid, aren't I?" Harry muttered, his cheeks tinged red.

"Yes, yes you are."

**Ginny: Oh, Harry Potter-just-you-forget it! -goes off crying-**

Ginny glared at Harry.

"Ehehe…sorry?"

**Harry: Alright I will! Cool!** **Hey, hey Cho Chang listen, um I know the Yule Ball is come up and I was wondering if uh, maybe you wanted to go with me, but just in case you're kind of on the fence about it, you should know that I play guitar and that I conquered that dragon's heart with it, so I think I can conquer yours.**

"I'm going to sing to her!?"

"Better than how you actually asked her." Ron snickered. Harry threw a pillow at him.

**(singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really, really skinny, Cho Chang! I'm the Mickie to your Minnie, the Tigger to my Winnie, Cho Chang! You're cuter than a guinea pig, I'll take you up to Winnipeg. That's in Canada! Oh Cho Chang, Ch-ch-ch-ch-China, China, China Cho Chang! (spoken) Whatever.**

Harry stood up calmly and walked over to the wall, where there was a sign that said "Bang Head Here" in a circle. Underneath there was a few instructions, telling you what to do depending on your stress level. He then started to bang his head against it. A lot. A pillow popped out of it, softening the blows. After a minute of this he sat back down. His friends gave him weird looks.

**Cho: Well, Harry Potter, bless your heart. Um, but imma have to say no. That young strapping boy Cedric Diggory already asked me and I have to go with him. Sorry.**

"She couldn't even get his name right."

"That was the point Malfoy."

**Come on girls, let's go show Moaning Myrtle our ball gowns and make fun of her because she can't go!**

"Well that's just awful."

**Pansy and Lavender: Yeah!**

"Lavender isn't even in Ravenclaw."  
"And I don't think she knows Cho very well."

**Ron: Hey little buddy how yah doing?**

**Harry: Hey…**

**Ron: Is that a Yule Ball wreath?**

**Harry: Yeah…**

**Ron: Who yah gonna ask?**

"That was a weird way of saying it."

**Harry: Well, I asked Cho Chang but she turned me down for Cedric Stupory.**

**Ron: Oh my God, they're going together? That's so great I love him so-they're so a cute couple-**

"They kinda were…no offense Harry."

"None taken. I realize now that they were a lot better than Cho and I."

**Harry: No, no.**

**Ron: I hate him.**

**Harry: Yeah.**

Hermione snorted. "Smooth Ron."

**Ron: I hate him so much. Oh my God, he pisses me off, wow.** **Ah man, that sucks dude. I don't know why she'd turn you down you're like the coolest guy in school!**

"Not last year."

**Harry: I don't really get it, I play guitar, I'm Harry Potter, I'm awesome.**

"You are." Ron, Hermione, and Ginny said together, before Harry could object his total awesomeness.

**Ron: Reese's Pieces?**

**Harry: Yeah.** **I don't get it man, I mean, I guess I'll just go stag.**

**Ron: Yeah, I'll probably go stag too. The only two girls I know that don't have dates are Ginny -thumbs down-** **and Hermione.**

**Harry: Oh my God. –bigger thumbs down-**

Both Hermione and Ginny raised an eyebrow at the boys, who both cowered behind the couch.

"Wasn't us!"

"Sorry!"

**Ron: Yeah and I'm not going with my stupid sister.**

**Harry: And I think of Hermione as a sister so that's out.**

**Ron: We are in such a puzzle.**

"You guys are so stupid."

**Neville: Hi, look at these strapping young men.**

"And Neville is so weird."

**Ron and Harry: Hey Neville.**

**Harry: Hey Neville, want this Yule Ball wreath?**

**Neville: Yeah, if you're willing to part with it, I will take this wreath.**

**Harry: Hey Ron, let's go hang out with Hagrid, he can teach us how to dance and we can get in our dress robes.**

"That'll be a disaster."

**Ron: That can only lead to disaster and hilarity. Let's go!**

"And yet you go anyways."

**I mean, I just don't know about Hermione, I don't think anyone's asked her, you know, 'cause she's just so butt ugly.**

**Harry: Hideous.**

Hermione looked a little hurt by this, so Ron put an arm around her and gave her an awkward side-hug. "Hey you aren't ugly. You're actually very pretty." He blushed a little as he said this.

"Thanks Ron," Hermione said quietly, also blushing. He didn't take his arm off her shoulder.

**Goyle: Give that plant nerd!**

**Neville: Ah!**

**Goyle: Oh, Goyle rules!**

The students laughed.

**Draco: So anyways, it was reluctant enough at first, but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down face, lassoed it with my Fruit by the Foot, and beheaded it with a quick Slicing Charm.**

"That would never work."

**Bloody fool. What, Goyle, what're you doing with that wreath? What are you gonna ask somebody to the Yule Ball?**

"Like Goyle could get a date."

**Goyle: No…dancing's for nerds.**

"Aren't nerds the ones that usually don't dance?"

**Crabbe: And pretty girls.**

**Draco: That's right. You know the last girl I'd have asked with a Yule Ball wreath? That Hermione Granger…**

"Ugh, not this again," Malfoy groaned.

**Not even if we were the last two people on Earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown so every time I looked at her I got butterflies in my tummy. Not even then.** **You know, they don't even have dances at Pigfarts.**

"Pigfarts again?"

**All the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs.**

"He has cubs?"

**Goyle: Dancing is for pansies.**

**Draco: Hey you there what's your name?**

**Pansy: Pansy.**

"Oh, so that's Pansy?"

**Draco: Perfect! You're going to the Yule Ball with me.** **You see that dragon? Well, it was reluctant enough at first, but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down face…**

"How would you even do that?"

**Quirrell: Yule Ball decorating crew! Just the Yule Ball decorating crew coming through. Last minute decorations…my Lord, the Yule Ball has finally arrived and I've brought the key!**

**Voldemort: Yes, I know Quirrell, I hear everything you hear!**

The students laughed again.

**Quirrell: I'm sorry.**

**Voldemort: No, I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have snapped.** **I'm just nervous, that's all.**

"Voldemort's admitting he has feelings? It's the Apocalypse."

**Quirrell: Nervous?**

**Voldemort: No.**

**Quirrell: Why?**

**Voldemort: I don't wanna talk about it.**

**Quirrell: Hey, it's just me. You can tell me anything, you know that.**

"Quirrellmort is so cute."

**Voldemort: Yeah, yeah you're right, you're right. I'm just nervous because we've been planning this night for so long and I want everything to go perfectly, you know?**

**Quirrell: Don't worry, we've mapped out everything. We've anticipated every little problem and compensated for it. We've even prepared what you're going to say to Potter when you see him. So just cool down, relax. By the end of the night you'll have your revenge and your body back.**

"I wish he wouldn't."

**Voldemort: You're right, you're right. I'm being silly. But you know, Quirrell over the last year I've really grown attached to you, no pun intended.**

"Aaw," the girls cooed. Everyone else just gave them weird looks.

**Quirrell: Yeah, I know what you mean.** **But hey, we'll still hang out. Just because we won't be attached doesn't mean we'll be two completely different people, no pun intended.**

**Voldemort: No, no, of course not! Quirrell, we should make plans.**

**Quirrell: Evil Plans?**

"No more evil plans, please."

**Voldemort: Oh, uh, no casual plans like um, we could go rollerblading on a Saturday and then, uh, see a movie at night.**

"He's so sweet."

"Why can't real Voldemort be like this?"

"Maybe because he's an evil old bastard that had some serious issues with his nose?" Harry offered. Hermione and Ginny just glared at him.

**Quirrell: Yeah, that'll be great because we'll both be able to watch it for a change.**

**Voldemort: Yeah, yeah, I bet it'll be nice to sleep in our own beds, not have someone behind you all the time.**

**Quirrell: And have the privacy of my old life back again, the solitude.**

"Who wants that?"

**Voldemort: -sigh- No, whatever happens tonight, man, it's been a blast.**

**Quirrell: Yeah, one crazy year! Hey, promise we'll go rollerblading and see that movie.**

**Voldemort: Oh man, I promise.**

**Quirrell: -hugs himself-**

"So adorable!"

**Voldemort: Okay, Quirrell, let's go plant that key and split, pun intended!**

**Snape: Why, Professor Quirrell, what on earth are you doing in the Great Dance Hall, just moments before the dance?**

"We have a Great Dance Hall?"

"No, unfortunately we do not Mr. Weasley. I do believe they were referring to the Great Hall."

Ron jumped, startled at the sound of the Headmaster's voice, as he hadn't said anything for quite some time.

**Quirrell: Just decorating for the Yule Ball, last minute decorations, just one final touch.**

**Snape: A ladle?**

**Quirrell: A very special ladle for a very special night for a very special punch.**

**Snape: And what's so special about it?**

**Quirrell: Let's just say there's Squirt in it.**

"What the hell is that?"

**Snape: Squirt! Is that not the favorite drink of one Harry Potter?**

"I don't even know what it is!"

**Quirrell: Is it? I had no idea. Well, we'd better be going. **

**Snape: We?**

**Quirrell: I! I better be going, loud music hurts my ears.**

"Suuure."

**Snape: Okay well I'll see you later than.**

**Quirrell: Or maybe you won't.**

**Snape: Or maybe I will.**

"He probably will."

**Dumbledore: Excuse me, it was my fault. Hey, Severus!**

**Snape: Oh, Headmaster.**

**Dumbledore: What're you doing here? Getting some punch, are yah?**

**Snape: Oh no, no, no, there's Squirt in that.**

"Seriously, what is this stuff?"

Suddenly, on the table in front of them, several glasses of what was probably Squirt appeared.

"Um, okay…who wants to try in first?"

"Not me," Malfoy said quickly.

"Or me," Ginny said, eyeing the drink warily.

"Um, maybe Harry should," Ron said.

"Me!? Why not you?"

"Well it's your favorite drink!"

"I've never even tasted this before!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'll drink it, you big babies." She picked up a glass and took a sip. "Hm, not bad."

That was all the encouragement the others needed. Everyone picked up a glass (yes, even Snape and Dumbledore) and tasted it. Everyone immediately put it down, except for Harry.

"Gross! Hermione, you actually like this stuff?" Ginny said, wiping her mouth.

Hermione snorted and set her drink down. "No. I was just saying that so you would drink yours. God, this stuff is nasty."

"I like it." piped up Harry. Everyone stared at him.

"What? It's actually very nice."

"Whatever you say, Harry."

**Harry Potter likes that hog's shit, I'll stick to my Red Bull, thank-you-very-much.**

**Snape: Well, goodnight Headmaster.**

**Dumbledore: Severus, I-I saved this last dance for you.**

"Great, now I have weird mental images of Snape and Dumbledore doing the chicken dance together."

**Snape: Well, I would Headmaster but you see, well an old friend is coming back into town tonight. -giggles-**

"Oh God, that was so weird."

"Totally."

"Hey, guys it's getting late. We should probably eat dinner and go to bed."

"Miss Granger is correct," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. "We should go take a look at our new kitchen."

So the group stood up and walked towards the wall with the two doors. One was labeled 'KITCHEN' and the other 'DORMS.' They walked into the one that said kitchen and stared.

The kitchen was _huge_. There was at least enough space for twenty people, easy. The dining table was set up already, in a corner of the room, near the wall where the door was. There was another door on the wall next to them with the word 'DORMS' on it. Also along that wall was a series of cupboards and drawers, as well as a large refrigerator. On the wall opposite them, there was a counter with a sink in it and a stovetop, while in the middle of the room there was a big countertop and two ovens underneath it. Under the sink counter there were a few cupboards and drawers. There was a door in the only bare wall labeled 'STORAGE CLOSET.'

"If only Aunt Petunia could see this," Harry muttered, as he looked around the room. He opened a cupboard to find a series of flour and sugar sacks, as well as a lot of boxes of brownie and cake mix of all kinds of flavors. Harry picked up one flavored 'Fudge Brownies' and saw that the brand was Betty Crocker. _Hey, those are good._ Harry thought, reminiscing about the time he stole a brownie from Dudley's huge load and Aunt Petunia never noticed. _Maybe I should make some…_

Harry put the box back and closed the cupboard, vowing to make the brownies later. He opened a drawer close to the cake cupboard and found a bunch of measuring cups. He closed that drawer and moved on. In a few minutes, he had found that the whole room was arranged in a specific way. The first two cupboards on the pantry wall (as he had taken to calling it) held breakfast food, the next two were filled with lunch food, and the next three were stuffed with dinner food. The other cupboards held canned food, a variety of bread, a diversity of food that could be used to make foreign dishes, and a lot of snacks with a note that said: _Just in case Ron gets hungry while you watch the musical_.

The giant refrigerator was filled with fruits, vegetables, eggs, bacon, sausage, and anything else you might find in a fridge. The freezer had several flavors of ice-cream, frozen pizzas, toaster waffles, and huge packs of dinosaur chicken nuggets. There was a note here as well: _Don't doubt the awesomeness that is dinosaur chicken. Rawr. Also, feel free to make your own waffles or pizza; I put these in because it's easier than making it from scratch. Still, if you want to make it the hard way…_

Harry found that the huge countertop that sat in the middle of the room was big enough to make at least ten batches of brownies, if not more. The smaller counter against the wall across from it held a sink. There was a microwave above this, to its right and two toasters sat innocently beneath it. Harry looked through the drawers underneath the counter and found one filled with colorful napkins, another filled with a huge variety of knives forks, and spoons, a deep one filled with all kinds of cooking utensils, and others filled with rags for spills and gloves for taking things out of the ovens, which were underneath the huge counter.

Needless to say, both Harry and Ron were in heaven.

Harry stated that he would make dinner and though Hermione volunteered to help, he refused, with the excuse that he was used to cooking by himself.

Harry was done cooking whatever he was cooking in about 45 minutes, during which everyone else just watched him scuttle around the kitchen or tried to figure out where the drinks were. After a few minutes of searching a note appeared that said: _Your cups are charmed. You tell it whatever drink you want and it will fill itself automatically. I recommend something other than pumpkin juice, because you guys drink that too much. Enjoy your meal!_

After messing around with this cool little feature for a while, Harry finally put two huge bowls onto the table, one filled with a thick red sauce, the other with long, yellow noodles. This was followed by a large plate of garlic toast and a bowl of Caesar salad. Everyone's mouths watered at the wonderful aroma coming from it all. Harry sat down after washing his hands and looked at them expectantly.

Ron was first to get some food (a lot of it) and after a first tentative bite, he started to scarf down food faster than he could get it on his fork. After that, everyone started to eat, each one praising Harry on his amazing cooking skills.

Harry just smirked and shoved another forkful of salad in his mouth.

Thirty minutes later, there was nothing left to eat (they all blamed Ron, who protested that they ate a lot too). When Harry saw this, he cheerfully asked who wanted dessert, eliciting loud groans from his friends and professors. Even Ron didn't want any more food (a first). So instead of eating a gallon or two of ice-cream, they decided to go to bed.

After placing all the dishes in the sink and another note: _Reminder: no need to wash the dishes, the sink is charmed_, everyone walked through the door labeled 'DORMS.' There were eight rooms, five of which with the name or names of who would be sleeping in which one. The first door read 'HERMIONE & GINNY,' the next 'RON & HARRY,' the next 'DRACO,' the next 'SEVERUS,' and the last 'ALBUS.' When Ron tried to open the other doors a note appeared. _Do not open these one; they're for the next musical._

So after bidding each other goodnight, they went into their respective rooms. Not even bothering to look around, each of them merely pulled on some pajamas that was sitting on the edge of their beds ("How does she know my size?") and went to sleep.

**Please Review!**


	12. Act 1 Scene 11

**Hey people. Ya'll ready for Granger Danger?**

**Also, I wrote a new one-shot. My friends are always giving me amazing ideas...most of the time sad ones.**

**Thanks for all of your absolutely amazing reviews! You're the best. -taps all of your noses-**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that's recognizable.**

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Act 1 Scene 11

The next morning, around 7:30, Harry was the first one up, unsurprisingly. He showered and changed into some clothes he found in the bureau next to his bed. He slipped on his shoes as he walked out the door and into the kitchen. By the time everyone else had awoken, the amazing aroma of sizzling bacon had wafted towards the dorms. Ron was in the kitchen faster than you could say "Quidditch", drawn like Winnie-the-Pooh to honey (not that he'd get the Muggle reference anyways). Hermione and Ginny followed soon after Ron, though at a much slower pace. Malfoy, Snape, and Dumbledore had arrived by the time Harry set all the food on the table. In about half an hour, they had finished their breakfast and Ron had grabbed a few extra pieces of toast to eat while watching the musical. When they had settled into the same spots as yesterday, except for Ginny sitting to Harry's left instead of Hermione, who had moved to Ron's right, the musical started up again.

**Harry: Hey Ron.**

"Your robes looked horribly ugly." Malfoy commented.

"They're probably worse than the ones Ron wore to the real Yule Ball." Hermione agreed.

"Nothing is as ugly as those were." Ron said.

**Ron: Hey what's up, dude, how's it going? Hey, have you seen Hermione anywhere?**

**Harry: No, I haven't. Why?**

**Ron: Nothing, nothing it's just, you know, I heard Parvati Patil telling Padma Patil that she had seen Hermione in the girls' locker room before, just crying her eyes out in a bathroom stall.**

"That was first year, not second. Or fourth for that matter," Hermione said, avoiding Ron's eyes.

Harry was silent, remembering the time he caught Hermione coming out of the bathroom crying earlier that year.

**Harry: Crying?**

**Ron: I don't know, isn't that like the saddest thing you've ever heard? I mean, I don't know, it's just that it was inevitable that one day Hermione would realize that no guy would ever like her, you know, because of her obnoxious personality and her ugly face and her misshapen body**

Hermione looked on the verge of tears. Ron looked slightly flustered. "Hey, you don't have an obnoxious personality. Sure, you can be annoying at times, but that's just part of your personality, not all of it. Like I said before, you're actually very pretty, and you most definitely do not have a misshapen body." He was very red by the end of his little speech.

Hermione gave him a watery smile. "Thanks, Ron that means a lot."

**But you know, it's just, I don't know, I figured she'd get in at least one night of happiness before she realized she's gonna be growing old alone, you know?**

Hermione frowned and Ron put his arm around her again, giving her another, slightly less awkward, hug.

**Draco: Hey you two over here talking about Granger?**

**Harry: Malfoy, get out of here; it's none of your business. Why don't you go dance with Pansy over there?**

"Spare me the torture of that again," Malfoy grumbled. "For a pureblood, she has awful dancing abilities. I think I still have the bruises from her stepping all over my toes."

**Draco: Hey, go get me some punch.**

**Pansy: Okay…wait! Um, I should tell you there's Squirt in it.**

"I still don't get how you like that crap, Potter."

**Harry: Oh, nice.**

**Draco: Squirt? Ugh, never mind I'll stay dehydrated.**

Everyone laughed.

**Go powder your nose or something.**

**Pansy: I just fixed my make-up a little while ago.**

"She really needs it. A lot of it."

**Draco: Trust me, you need more powder.**

"Exactly."

**Pain in the ass, right?** **So anyway, heard Granger's not around here, probably for better too, and no one would be able to keep their hummus and peach juice with that Muggle ass of hers dancing about.**

Hermione glared at Malfoy.

**Ron: God, why don't you just give her a break for once, okay Malfoy?**

**Draco: Why defending her Weasley? Have a crush?**

Both Ron and Hermione went red.

**Weasley: No, no why all the insults Malfoy? Covering up a crush?**

"God, no." Malfoy muttered. A still blushing Hermione glared at him again.

**Draco: Oh right, right. Like I could ever have a crush on that stupid girl.**

**Cho: Oh my god, she looks beautiful, bless her heart!**

"Ooo, pretty dress." Ginny said.

**Ron: (singing) Here I am, face-to-face, with a situation I never thought I'd ever see. It's strange, how a dress can make a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me.**

Hermione raised an eyebrow at Ron. "I'm a mess?"

"N-no, not a mess!" Ron squeaked.

**It seems like my eyes have been transfigured, something deep inside has changed. They've been opened wide, but hold that trigger. This could mean danger!**

"You are so mean," Harry said, chuckling. "Danger? Really?"

**I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I think I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger.**

**Draco: What, what the hell is this?**

Malfoy groaned. "Too true. Why does it have to be me?"

**You expect me to sing about her, I don't care about her! It's just a little make-up, Draco wake up! I'm mistaken; she is the hottest girl I've ever seen.**

Malfoy turned red and Ron glared at him. Hermione just smirked.

**Now because she's like a girl I've never seen, don't know why I'd ever be so mean. This could mean danger! I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger.**

"Please don't."

**Ron and Draco: I wanna let her know.**

**Draco: I feel so queasy.**

**Ron and Draco: But I can't let it show.**

**Ron: She'd laugh, poor Weasley.**

"Maybe not," Harry said.

"Harry," Hermione hissed.

**Ron and Draco: Come on**

**Ron: Ron**

**Draco: Draco**

**Ron and Draco: You've gotta let it go. You gotta let it go!**

**[this next part Ron and Draco are singing together, but I'm sure you already knew that :)]**

**Ron: Here I am face-to-face with a situation I never thought I'd ever see. It's strange, how a dress can take a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me. It seems like my eyes have been transfigured. Something deep inside has changed. They've been opened wide, but hold that trigger.**

**Draco: What, what the hell is this? I want to sing about her, sing about her. I want to make up, Draco wake up! I've been mistaken; she is the hottest girl I've ever seen. Now, because she's like a girl I've never seen. Don't know why I'd ever be so mean.**

**Ron and Draco: This could mean…danger! I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I think I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger, with Hermione Granger, with Hermione Granger…danger!**

"I don't see why falling in love with me is dangerous." Hermione said, crossing her arms.

"It's not, don't worry. The boys are just being stupid," Ginny assured her.

"Yeah, don't worry Hermione, boys like you. Remember McLaggen?" Harry said.

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"Wait, I thought you liked McLaggen," Ron said obliviously.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Sure Ron. Sure."

"We should just move on to the next scene."

**Please Review!**


	13. Act 1 Scene 12

**OH MY ROWLING over 75 reviews!? You guys are the most totally awesome people ever. Siriusly. You are amazing people.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

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Act 1 Scene 12

**Ron: Oh my god, I can't believe it.**

**Harry: What?**

**Ron: I just can't believe she's dancing with every guy but me and that's-that's so stupid, that's stupid.**

"Ron, I think you're the stupid one."

**Harry: Why do you even care man?**

**Ron: I don't, I don't care, I don't care and that's what I'm going to go tell her. I'm going to go say I don't care what you do and she's going to feel so damn stupid.** **She's going to feel like such an idiot.**

"Her?_I _feel like an idiot now!"

**Harry: Listen Ron, you're acting like a real jerk, you should take it easy on the Butterbeer.**

"You can get drunk off Butterbeer?"

"I guess."

**Ron: No, no.**

**Hermione: Hey guys!**

**Harry: Hey, Hermione, you look great. You look wonderful.**

"You did look very pretty at the Yule Ball."

Hermione blushed. "Thanks Ron."

**Hermione: Oh thanks! Yeah, you know I used to think looks weren't important and now I think they're more important than anything.**

"I am not that shallow."

**It's just that I'm having so much fun dancing with everyone.**

**Ron: Wow, wow, Hermione, when did you become so shallow? When?**

**Hermione: What is wrong with you Ron?**

"A lot," Ginny said, rolling her eyes as Ron shoved chips he fetched from the pantry earlier into his mouth.

**Ron: Nothing! Nothing's wrong with me but why don't you just go ask Shlongbottom to dance huh? Go do it.**

Ginny grimaced. "Don't. He will murder your poor feet."

**Hermione: You know what, maybe I will!**

**Ron: I showed her, showed her so good.**

"Obviously." Hary said sarcastically.

**Harry: Wait a second, wait a hot second! I know what's going on here.** **You've got a crush!**

Ron turned red.

**Alright, Ron, listen to me pal, just a little advice: call me crazy but girls don't really like it when you're angry at them, much less if you shout at them.**

"DUH."

**Now, maybe what you should do is go over there and tell her how much you care about her. Okay, maybe you should ask her dance?**

"Should have done that." Ron muttered under his breath. "Stupid bloody Krum."

**Ron: No, no because then she'd know that I like her and you always know that you don't' tell a girl you like her because it makes you look like an idiot.**

"That's horrible advice." Ginny said.

They boys stared at her. "No. That's, like, the greatest advice ever."

**Harry: I know you'll look like an idiot, any time you tell a girl that you like her you look funny, that is inevitable, but listen, it's something you have to do. You have to look forward and not look back. I mean what have we got to lose? We look like idiots anyway, we're wizards. We're wearing robes, if we dressed like this in the Muggle world, we would get our asses kicked.**

"Too true."

**You have nothing to lose, ask her and I bet, you know, she probably wants to dance with you just as much as you wanna dance with her.**

Hermione turned pink.

**You just gotta…you just gotta give it a chance. There could be something you've never seen before you know, you just gotta go and find something special that was there the whole time and you just got the guts to say anything.**

**Ron: Where're you going, where're you going? I'm still mad and sad.**

"Oh Lord."

**Harry: Hold on. This is the guy taking his own advice pal. Hey Ginny.**

Both Ginny and Harry's eyes were as wide as saucers, realizing what musical Harry meant.

**Ginny: Oh, hey Harry.**

**Harry: Can I sit down?**

**Ginny: Um yeah sure.**

**Harry: So, um, how's Hogwarts?**

"Awful. I was possessed."

**Ginny: You know, it's okay. I was, actually I was really excited to come here but now that I'm here I just don't think I belong.**

Everyone looked at Ginny.

"Not me! I mean, yeah I thought that at first, but not anymore!"

**Harry: Oh yeah, I totally know what you mean.**

**Ginny: Um no, you don't, you're Harry Potter.**

**Harry: Yeah, I know. For like eleven years I was this dumb kid who got the crap kicked out of me under a staircase**

"Potter, what's that supposed to mean?" Snape asked suspiciously.

"N-nothing, Professor." Harry stuttered.

Snape's eyes narrowed at him.

**And all of the sudden it's like 'You're a wizard! You have all these powers!' and everyone thinks I'm cool all of the sudden. It's weird, it's kind of isolating…sorry. Here I am complaining about being famous. I'm sorry.**

"You do complain about that a lot."

**Ginny: No, I understand. It's like when you first got here and nobody wanted to get to know you because they thought that they knew you already, but eventually you'll find people who'll want to get to know you for the real you.**

Harry smiled at Ron and Hermione.

**Harry: You know Ginny, I already feel like I have found someone and I've taken them for granted. Tell you what, come on. You wanna dance? It's the whole point of the evening.**

"Yeah, not like we did it much anyways." Ron commented.

Harry snorted.

**Ginny: Okay.**

**Harry: I gotta warn you though, I've learned all my best dance moves from Hagrid, so I'm not that great.**

"I really suck at dancing…"

**Ginny: Oh, I'm sure you'll be fine. Wow, Harry Potter, I don't care what anybody says, you're the best dancer there ever was.**

"I just said I wasn't!"

"Potter, quit yelling at inanimate objects."

**Harry: Well, I have a confession to make Ginny. These shoes right here, there magical enchanted dancing shoes.**

"Oh thank Merlin. It would have really sucked if musical me was better at dancing than I was."

**Ginny: Wow-e Harry Potter!**

**Harry: I'm just messing with you. I'm just awesome at dancing.**

"Damn it!"

**Ron: Yah!**

**Hermione: Ow, ow!**

**Ron: Okay, alright, when you really dance with Neville is when you cross the line.**

"How is that crossing the line? It's only Neville…(no offense Neville, wherever you are)."

**Okay, take this beat it, get out of here.**

**Hermione: What is wrong-**

**Ron: Come here, come here!**

**Hermione: Ow, ow, ow. Why are you being so mean to me?**

"Erm, sorry Hermione."

"Don't worry about it, it's not you anyways."

**Ron: ****I'm not being mean to you!**

**Hermione: Ow! Yes you are! You know, every day, everyone is always trying to put me down and the one day I feel like I actually feel like a person you're trying to ruin it!**

"Yule Ball memories."

**Ron: Holy shit.**

**Hermione: What's wrong with you Ron?**

**Draco: Hey Weasley! The lady said no.**

"Oh Salazar." Malfoy muttered.

**Hermione: Not you too. You know what? I'm so sick of both of you! I hate you both!**

"Whoo! You punched Malfoy again!"

**Draco: What did you say to her?**

**Ron: Nothing!**

Ginny scoffed.

**Draco: I'm bleeding.**

**Ron: I'm bleeding. Looks at this.**

**Draco: Look at this…**

**Ron: Look at this.**

"Oh my God," Ron facepalmed.

**Harry: Ginny, Ginny I'm feeling kind of dizzy.**

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Then stop spinning."

**Ginny: Well maybe we should stop spinning. It's from all this spinning huh?**

**Harry: We have stopped spinning. -kisses Ginny-**

Harry and Ginny both turned bright red. Ron raised an eyebrow and turned to study Harry and Ginny. "Yeah, I guess I can see that. I'd tell you good luck, mat, but that's my sister, so…" Ron leaned closer to Harry and whispered. "You hurt her in any way, shape, or form, the whole Weasley clan will be after you. Voldemort will be merely a pesky fly compared to our wrath."

Harry paled and Ginny yelled, "RON!"

Ron just shrugged. "Hey, it's true."

**Wait, no! No, I can't do this. You're Ginny Weasley, you're my best friend's little sister. You're Ron Weasley's sister, I'm sorry Ginny. I can't do this. I'm sorry.**

**Ginny: -stomps off crying-**

Ginny glared at Harry. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's not me!"

**Harry: Hey Cho, hey! Come on, dance with me I'm Harry Potter, let's go.**

"Ugh, my musical self is worse with girls than my real self."

**Cedric: Excuse me, I believe I was dancing with the lady.**

**Harry: I know I'm-I'm cutting in, so.**

**Cedric: Well, I find that to be very rude.**

"We should totally make fun of all the Hufflepuffs that can't find anything when we get back." Malfoy said.

"I FIND that very mean of you Malfoy."

**Harry: Alright Cedric, well why don't we find out what the lady has to say about it?**

**Cho: Oh, boys, there's no need to fight over little ol' me. But by the way, Cedric thinks you cheated on the dragon's task.**

"HOW CAN YOU CHEAT ON THAT!? IT ALMOST FREAKING KILLED ME!"

**Harry: Cheated? Are you kidding me, that thing was trying to eat me. I was in its mouth!**

**Cedric: Exactly, what went on in there? I'd like to find out.**

"Oh, I just sat and had a nice little chat with it is all. Nothing like eating me went on in there whatsoever. No eating at all."

**Harry: Alright, that is it Diggory, we are going to duelling. Let's go.**

**Cho: Oh Godric's Hollow, all this excitement's making me thirsty.**

**Harry: Oh, well Cho, I can get you something to drink. I can get you some punch!**

"It has Squirt," Ginny said. "Don't drink it."

**Cedric: No, I'll get the punch.**

**Harry: No, I'll get the punch.**

**Cedric: Fine, have the punch. -punches Harry-**

"I just got punched by a Hufflepuff! They aren't supposed to punch people, they're the nicest of all of us!"

**I did it!**

**Cho: You did it!**

**Harry: Cedric Diggory, I'm going to kill you! –both Harry and Cedric grab the ladle and get transported to the graveyard-**

"Oh Godric, Cedric's probably going to d-die next scene." Harry buried his face in his hands. Ginny rubbed his back in a comforting manner.

"Let's get this over with."

**Please Review!**


	14. Act 1 Scene 13

**Okay you guys, there's this little boy I see around my school sometimes. Really blond hair, blue-gray eyes, super-mega-adorable. Sound familiar?**

**I recently got a Twitter for those of you that care enough to go follow me: redvinerachel. I'll be able to tell ya'll stuff about my writing and shiz.**

**Also, who's excited about the AVPSY script? I tried to get it last night, but the website was down.**

**Disclaimer: I have no ownership over HP or Stakid.**

* * *

Act 1 Scene 13

**Cedric: Where are we?**

"Graveyard," Harry whispered.

"Harry, would you like to leave, my boy?" Dumbledore asked, twinkle gone.

Harry shook his head. "No, I'm fine, really."

Dumbledore nodded, but still looked concerned for him.

**Harry: I don't know Cedric, someone punched me in the face and my sense of direction got a little goofed up.**

"Why is Cedric still smiling? He hasn't stopped smiling since he was introduced."

**Cedric: Well, it seems clear to me now that the punch ladle was a Portkey and now thanks to you we've both been transported to some mystery location.**

"Graveyard."

**Harry: Brilliant Cedric, well, you're a Hufflepuff. Why don't you **_**find**_** a way out of this place okay?**

"Still making those damn find jokes," Malfoy said.

**Cedric: Harry, I think I found something! It appears to be a headstone. We must be in some sort of graveyard. Tom Riddle, Mary Riddle, Thoms Riddle. Riddle me this, eh Potter?**

"Who the hell are they?" Malfoy asked.

"You don't wanna know," Ron muttered darkly.

**Harry: Cedric, I don't know about this place. I think we gotta get out of here.**

**Cedric: Harry, you're a Gryffindor, where's your sense of adventure?**

"That is one adventure I could take a pass on."

**Harry: God! Cedric, you're so annoying! Okay? You're like this guy that's just around all the time when I don't need a guy around. You're the spare guy all the time. The spare dude. You're such a spare.**

"Did they-did they really just do that?"

**Voldemort: Kill the spare!**

**Quirrell: ****Avada Kedavra!**

**Cedric: So many regrets, I'm dead! -dies-**

"That wasn't even how it happened. I can't believe they're doing this." Harry said, looking terribly sad. He quietly wondered if Cedric did have any regrets.

**Harry: Oh my wizard god!**

"Doesn't exist," Hermione corrected softly.

**Quirrell: Not so fast, Petrificus Totalus!**

**Harry: Professor Quirrell, you just killed Cedric!**

"Wormtail killed Cedric."

**Quirrell: Not I Potter, but perhaps you'd like to see who did. He's dying to see you.**

**Harry: AH!**

**Voldemort: Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, it's good to see you again.**

"It's not good to see you."

**Death Eater: The cauldron is ready my Lord.**

**Harry: Cauldron, what are you guys going to do, eat me? Gross!**

"That would have made the whole graveyard incident a lot worse."

**Voldemort: As delicious a dish as I think you'd make Potter, **

"That's disgusting."

**I'd need a stomach of my own to digest you. I haven't got one of those…yet.**

**Death Eater: -cuts off hand- Aaah! Oooh! Ahahahaa. Hoo, okay.**

"Wormtail was the one to cut off a hand."

"And that was very obviously Snape."

Snape glared at everyone in the room.

**It's working! Detention Potter!**

"Did Snape just give me a detention because he cut off his own hand?"

"Yes, yes he did."

**Harry: Detention? This guy's almost as big an asshole as Snape.**

"It is Snape."

**Quirrell: It worked!**

**Voldemort: Hahahahaha! (singing) When I was a boy, an orphan boy, **

"The Dark Lord was an orphan?" Malfoy looked rather confused.

"Yes. He was."

**I loved to move my feet; I'd hear a tune and start to swoon. My life would seem complete.** **The other boys would laugh and jeer; but I'd catch 'em tapping their toes and when I'd start to sway, they'd get carried away and oh, how the feeling grows. I'd take my foot, my little foot, and with that foot, oh how I'd start to shake. I'd take two feet, two tiny feet. Hey look, that's neat! It's coming true! Oh boy, I get to dance again wahoo!** **To dance again, I've been waiting all these years to dance again and now at once a chance appears, to hear the beat, so on your feet.**

"Oh my God, Voldemort can dance."

"I'm so using that next time I see him."

**It's time to dance again, come on Potter! Imperio!** **You take your foot, your little foot. Hey look, your foot! See how it starts to shake.**

**Quirrell: Oh, try his arms! How 'bout a twirl? He's like a girl!**

"That's Malfoy."

"Hey!"

**How overdue…I get to finally dance again with you.**

**Quirrell and Voldemort: To dance again, I've been waiting all these years to dance again and now at once a chance appears. It's lovely swaying, the music's playing. Come on, let's dance again! **

"I find this highly disturbing, but at the same time hilariously entertaining."

**Voldemort: Everybody!**

**Death Eaters: I take my foot.**

**Voldemort: You take your foot.**

**Death Eaters: My little foot.**

**Voldemort: Take that little foot!**

**Death Eaters: And oh my foot.**

**Voldemort: Let me hear it now!**

**Death Eaters: Look how it starts to shake…oh Voldy's back!**

"We know."

**Voldemort: Hello World!**

**Death Eaters: For the attack.**

**Voldemort: I'm gonna get'cha.**

**Death Eaters: He'll take over the world it's true, but first there's something he's gotta do! **

**Death Eaters, Quirrell, and Voldemort: I'll dance again…I've been waiting all these years to dance again and now at once a chance appears. Everybody make way **

**Voldemort: For a pas de bourrée.**

Ron gave a half-hearted chuckle.

**Death Eaters, Quirrell, and Voldemort: It's time to dance, it's time to dance, it's time to dance again!**

**Voldemort: Woo!**

"That was horrible."

"Yeah."

"I can't believe they just killed Cedric like that."

"Yeah."

"Should we take a break?"

"No, there's one more video until Act 1 is over. We can eat an early lunch after that."

"Alright."

**Please Review!**


	15. Act 1 Scene 14

**Okay guys, it's the end of Act 1. Happy Apocalypse surival! ;)**

**Sorry if it's a little short, there wasn't as much to comment on and the scene was rather short.**

**Thanks for all of the reviews/favorites/alerts! They make my week :)**

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own anything.**

* * *

Act 1 Scene 14

**Bellatrix: Oh my Dark Lord! You look fabulous.**

"Ugh, gross."

**Voldemort: Bellatrix Lestrange!**

**Bellatrix: Oh my liege, how it's going to be like the old days when we do nothing but torture, murder, and make love.**

"…that's my aunt." Malfoy said in a small voice.

**Voldemort: Ha, the old days are back, baby!**

**Bellatrix: I can't tell you what it was like without you.**

"Really nice and peaceful."

**Voldemort: Well, I'm never going again because I've conquered death and my first pleasure will to be to kill Harry Potter! The next, to take over the Ministry of Magic and rule the world for all time!**

"I would really appreciate it if you didn't, thanks."

**Bellatrix: And you will my Lord, but not yet. For now we must stick to the plan. We blame Potter's murder on Quirrell so that your return may remain a secret. The Death Eaters are prepared to take on the entire Ministry of Magic, much less Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix.**

"Whoa, betraying Quirrell?"

"He can't do that!"

"Um guys, you realize that they're evil right?" Harry pointed out before shrinking down into the couch as Hermione and Ginny glared at him.

"Don't care. Quirrellmort should stay together."

**Quirrell: I'm sorry. What was that about me going to Azkaban for Potter's murder?**

**Bellatrix: Oh ho, you shall refer to him as my Lord, my liege, or my Dark Lord only!**

"No, because Voldemort already said it was okay for him to stop calling him stuff like that."

**Voldemort: No, no, no, Bellatrix, it's cool. Quirrell's cool, Quirrell's cool. He's-over the last year he's proven himself to be a very good fr…a very good servant to the will of the Dark Lord.**

"Aw, poor Quirrell."

"What's wrong with saying he was your friend?"

**Quirrell: Oh, I see so you're just going to make me your Sally Hemmings is that it?**

**Voldemort: No, no Quirrell that came out wrong. It's not like that.**

**Quirrell: Isn't it?**

"I feel so bad for Quirrell."

**Bellatrix: Ah, silence slave, Crucio!**

**Quirrell: Aaahh!**

"Dude, your aunt is brutal."

"I know."

**Voldemort: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.**

**Bellatrix: What's the matter? He is your pawn! You are his queen.**

The students snickered.

**It is an honor to serve the Dark Lord, no matter what the task!**

**Voldemort: Are you alright?**

"Aaw."

**Quirrell: Did you really know the whole time that you would blame Potter's murder on me?**

**Voldemort: Yes, yes I knew but things have changed over the last year. I feel differently now.**

"He better."

**Quirrell: Don't touch me!**

**Voldemort: Way to explain this, it's like the movie **_**She's All That.**_** You remember we watched that together. Well, remember how at the end Freddy Prince Jr. turns out to be good.**

"Spoiler alert. We now know the ending to a movie that hasn't even come out yet."

**Quirrell: No, I didn't see the ending because you were watching it while you were on the back of my head, SUCKING MY SOUL!**

"Downsides from supporting Voldemort."

**Voldemort: Well, I wish there was another way, but I've got to take over the world.**

**Quirrell: Well there is! I'll let you know now that it's gonna be pretty hard to make that rollerblading date from Azkaban.**

"Oobviously, he needs to break out of Azkaban so they can go."

**Bellatrix: Death Eaters, take him away. And now you have what you waited for, for so long.**

**Voldemort: What?**

Harry facepalmed, "How do you forget that?"

**Bellatrix: You're chance to kill Harry Potter.**

**Voldemort: Yes, kill POTTER, ha-whoa where'd he go?**

"Um, probably on my way back to Hogwarts; they were talking for a while."

**Harry: You're not killing me today Voldemort but I'll tell you what, I can get you some punch! –uses the Portkey to go back to Hogwarts with Cedric's body-**

"Bad puns, bad puns."

**Ginny: Oh my Rowling, what happened Harry Potter?**

"What is Rowling?"

**Dumbledore: Harry what the hell you doing over here? You missed the raffle.**

**Snape: What happened in that graveyard? Uh!**

"Snape shouldn't even know about that."

**Harry: It's Voldemort! It's Voldemort, he's back!**

"That wasn't even close to how it actually happened." Harry said, staring at the screen.

"I'm sure it wasn't." Hermione said.

"Well, that's the end of Act 1, should we eat lunch now?" Ginny asked.

"FOOD!" Ron bellowed.

"Calm down Weasley." Malfoy said.

"Yeah, let's go."

"I'll make lunch since Harry's been doing all the cooking so far." Hermione volunteered.

"I'll help." Ginny said.

One hour later, everyone had eaten their fill of grilled-cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.

"Obviously not as good as Harry's food," Ginny had said before setting the large platter of sandwiches down. "But good enough."

Soon, everyone had gone back into the main room and was settled into their original spots with a bag of chips and can of soda each (Ron insisted).

"Well…onto Act 2 then."

**Please Review!**


	16. Act 2 Scene 1

**Happy holidays everyone! Here is my gift to you :) I might post another chapter later today, if you guys want me too.**

**Thanks for all of your amazing reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I'm hoping to find a letter from JKR and Starkid telling me that I now own HP and AVPM/S/SY under my tree tomorrow. If that doesn't happen, then I still won't own any rights.**

* * *

Act 2 Scene 1

**Person 1: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Beat-Voldemort now says he's back!**

"Wizards use too many hyphens," Harry complained.

"Muggles don't use nearly as many," Hermione agreed.

**Person 2: Daily Prophet! Get Your Daily Prophet here! Harry Potter vs. Voldemort: Round 2!**

**Person 3: Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, makes a statement!**

**Minister: I've heard these Voldemort rumors and I for one simply don't believe it.**

"At least they got one thing about this musical right."

**Person 1: Voldemort talks about it on his new Floo-Tube channel.**

Hermione giggled. Harry looked amused. Everyone else looked confused.

**Voldemort: I'm gonna find Harry Potter and I'm gonna _ in his _!**

Harry looked rather grossed out after this line. "Um, ew."

**Person 1: Also does a review of **_**17 Again**_**.**

**Voldemort: Ah, it was a little slow at the beginning, but, c'mon, Zac Efron. Zefron! Enough said.**

"Who's Zac Efron?"

**Minister: I have seen these so-called posts and I still don't believe it. This is a ruse! You all have been hoodwinked!**

"Some things never change."

**Person 4: Professor Quirrell confesses to murder of Hogwarts student Cedric Diggory, receives life in Azkaban.**

"Poor Quirrell."

"Forget Quirrell, look at that chocolate bar."

"I want that."

"Professor Lupin would be jealous."

**Harry: Ron, this totally sucks man.**

**Ron: This is horrible.**

**Harry: Yeah I know, I mean look at this. It's just-it's terrible, 'Harry Potter vs. Voldemort: The Fight of the Century.'**

"I have a feeling Ron's talking about something else…"

**Ron: No, not that, it's Hermione.**

"Ten points to Ginny." Said Ginny, smirking as Harry started laughing and Ron and Hermione turned pink.

**It's just like, I can't get her out of my head and every time I look at her I have these pains in my chest and I just know it's her fault, that bitch.**

"Trust Ron to blame his love for you on someone else." Harry teased. Hermione turned pinker.

**I'm just not cut out for this Harry, I'm not.**

**Harry: Yeah man, I know what you mean. It's like when you're trying to save the world and the whole world is just against you and-**

**Ron: No, no, no, no, no, this isn't about you.** **Why does every conversation we have, have to turn into Potter Talk?**

"What the hell is Potter Talk?"

"Language, Harry."

"Sorry Hermione. What the heck is Potter Talk?"

"I'm assuming it's something that has to do with you talking about yourself a lot."

"Oh."

"Okay, I'm pretty sure even Ron got that from just the name."

"Yeah…hey!"

**Harry: It's not Potter Talk…**

**Ron: No, I'm miserable and all you can do is talk about yourself. You're like the most self-absorbed guy I know.**

"Biggest lie in the musical yet."

"Harry does worry about others before himself."

"Sitting right here, you know."

"We know."

**If you were miserable, I would be there for you but you won't even listen to me and I'm sick of it. So-so-so good luck with whatever you were talking about and I hope that you and Voldemort live happily ever after because me, I am never going to be happy again.** **So I'm just going to go curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days.**

Everyone laughed.

**Hermione: Were you just talking to Ron?**

"Yes."

**Harry: Yeah, I was trying to tell him about Voldemort-**

**Hermione: Well, did he say anything about me?**

"Yes."

**Harry: Uh, yeah he said that-**

**Hermione: Well, was one of them an apology for how he treated me at the Yule Ball?**

"No."

"Shut up, Potter."

**Harry: Um yeah, I heard about that, listen I was wondering maybe you heard about a little something, I don't know, that Voldemort's back! Cedric Diggory is dead, Professor Quirrell was crazy and now I have to save the world! Did you hear about that Hermione?**

"Probably. You complain about this a lot."

**Hermione: Actually I have heard those things Harry, about a thousand times but never had they been told to me with so much sass. Drop the attitude Harry Potter. You are acting like Garfield on a Monday.**

"Now that's just downright cruel," Harry said. "No one is worse than Garfield on a Monday."

**Harry: Well don't you think I have a right to be a little stressed out?**

**Hermione: No, no I don't. You know what? This is just like with the dragon, okay. I stressed out, I told you to prepare and yet you didn't do anything and you were fine. You know you just played your little guitar and I mean I don't know what you're crying about Harry. This is just like when you defeated Voldemort when you were a baby.**

"Not really."

**Harry: Hermione, come on, you're the friend that's supposed to tell me to go to the library and try to figure this stuff out.**

"Ah, memories."

**Hermione: You know what Harry? I don't do that anymore.**

**Draco: Read it and weep Potter, heard Voldemort's back and he's trying to kill you. What do you think about that, Moon-shoes?**

"Malfoy, you come up with the weirdest nicknames."

**Harry: Malfoy, I honestly don't see why you're so happy about this. If Voldemort is back, which he is, you might as well kiss Hogwarts goodbye.** **You might as well kiss the planet good bye.**

**Draco: Kiss the planet goodbye? Having second thoughts about Pigfarts are you?**

Everyone laughed as musical Malfoy rubbed himself against the desk. Real Malfoy just groaned and repeatedly slapped himself.

**Harry: Malfoy, you're the last person I want to talk to right now, okay?**

**Draco: You know what, as soon as you're out of the way, I'll be the coolest kid in school.**

"That's a funny thought."

**Hermione: Malfoy, that will never happen. Everybody hates you.**

"Too true."

**Malfoy: Oh right, okay this coming from Hermione Stranger.**

**Pansy: She's right Malfoy, she's cooler than you know.**

"Granger is not, and will not, be cooler than I."

"Malfoy, no one likes you."

**Cho: Yeah, even Moaning Myrtle is cooler than you.**

"Okay, I wouldn't go _that _far."

**Neville: Take this, Expelliarmus!**

**Draco: -his pants drop- **

The Gryffindors burst out laughing when they saw musical Malfoy in a diaper. Real Malfoy just started to slap himself again, and started to mutter about 'stupid Muggles and their stupid musical.'

**Ignore it, ignore it! Stop it.**

**Snape: What the devil is going on here? Draco Malfoy, pull those trousers up at once.**

"Snape is one of the best characters in the whole play."

**Draco: Professor, I was just-**

**Snape: I don't want to hear it. I need to see you in my office, now.**

"Well, now we know for sure that it was Snape that cut off his hand."

**Draco: This is all your fault Potter. You'll pay for this, you'll all pay!**

"You always say that, but never do anything."

**Harry: Nice Neville, you're the man. Hey Ginny, what's up? Hey, I hope you have something to say about Voldemort.**

"I'm probably gonna say something about the Yule Ball."

**Ginny: Who?**

**Harry: Whatever. No, I'm fine.**

"Ooo, I love those chips!" Hermione exclaimed. She rushed into the kitchen and everyone exchanged confused looks when they heard the sound of cupboards opening and closing. About a minute later, Hermione came back from the kitchen holding a large blue bag, exactly like the one Ginny was holding.

"Carry on," she said, ripping open the bag and pulling a chip out.

**Ginny: Um, hey Harry, um so we kissed at the Yule Ball and well, I thought we were gonna be together forever. But we're not.**

"Another ten points to Ginny."

**Harry: Yeah, that uh, pretty much sums it up.**

**Ginny: What's going on?**

**Harry: Ginny, this is what's going on. Don't you get it? Everyone is in danger who is dear to me. We can't be together because if Voldemort is back, which he is, then you're in mortal peril.**

"Cruelty in the form of over-protective Harry."

**Don't' you get it? It's just like the Spiderman movie, haven't you seen that?** **MJ and Peter Parker can't be together.**

"They're making a Spiderman movie? I love those comics!" Harry said excitedly.

**Ginny: The whole point of Spiderman 2 was that MJ and Peter Parker could be together in the end.**

"Two movies!"

**Harry: Yeah I know but the point of Spider-man 3 is everything sucks and it falls to shit!**

"THREE MOVIES!"

**Ginny, what I'm trying to say is I don't want my life to be like Spiderman 3. I hated that movie.**

"Does that mean I'm going to hate that movie?"

**I'm sorry, it's just my little way of saying, well, we can't be together. I'm sorry Ginny.**

**Ginny: I'm such an idiot. –goes off crying-**

"Well, gee Harry, no need to be so mean to my character."

"Er, sorry?"

**Harry: I need a Butterbeer.**

"Harry, don't turn to alcohol in your times of need!"

"Ron, that's what you did in the musical too, you know."

**Dumbledore: Hey, psst, Potter, it's me, it's me.**

**Harry: Who are you?**

**Dumbledore: It's Dumbledore.**

**Harry: Oh.**

Hermione facepalmed. "Even Ron would have been able to figure out that was actually Dumbledore."

"Hey!"

**Dumbledore: Listen, Harry, I've got some very important things I have to tell you.**

"Probably about Voldemort."

**Harry: Oh, about Voldemort?**

**Dumbledore: Yes, it's absolutely crucial for you to know, but I can't get into it right now. You need to meet me at my inner office at ten o'clock and come by yourself. Bring that uh, Invisibility Cloak of yours. Don't go blabbing your mouth about this to anybody. I don't what the spies to hear, they could be anywhere, even inside of Hogwarts.** **From now on the only persons you can trust Harry are me and Severus Snape.**

"Suuuuure."

**Harry: Listen Dumbledore, I know you don't want to hear this but uh, I am not so sure about Snape. I think, uh I'm pretty sure he's working for Voldemort.**

"He is!"

Snape glared.

"Um, sorry Professor."

**Dumbledore: What? That's stupid, you're stupid.**

"Feelin' the love."

**Harry: No, no, I'm positive that night in the graveyard some Death Eater cuts off his hand and Snape shows up without a hand, what is that?**

"Obvious signs that Snape is a Death Eater."

**Dumbledore: Oh cock-a-maybe, Snape has ensured me that he lost his hand in an entirely unrelated incident.**

"Uh, duh. He doesn't want you to know the real way he lost it."

"Potter, if you know what's good for you, you will shut your mouth."

**Harry: Dumbledore, why do you trust Snape so much?**

**Dumbledore: Because I love him.**

"Wasn't expecting that."

"THE MENTAL IMAGES!"

"Um, I'd rather not picture that, thanks."

**Harry: Professor, I…**

**Dumbledore: Hey, I don't wanna hear anything else about it. These is no way that Severus Snape is, was or shall be a servant Voldemort's.**

"That was a funny scene."

"I think it was disturbing."

"I agree with Potter. That was a disgustingly horrible scene."

"Malfoy just agreed with me? Okay, does anyone see flying pigs?"

"Knock it off Harry; it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"Next scene!"

**Please Review!**


	17. Act 2 Scene 2

**Holiday spirit. It makes me write. So here ya'll go. Happy Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza/other!**

**And OH MY ROWLING 100 REVIEWS. I love you people. Siriusly. You guys are the most totally awesome, super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot people in the entire universe. I dedicate this chapter to all of you and your amazing-ness :)**

**Disclaimer: Well, I'm still hoping for that letter that states I own it now.**

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Act 2 Scene 2

**Snape: All hail Voldemort!**

"Well, so much for the 'is, was, and never shall be'."

**Death Eater 1: Severus Snape, what are you doing here?**

**Death Eater 2: Got tired of being on Dumbledore's lap?**

"They really need to stop giving me such horrible mental images…"

**Death Eater 1: I ought to Jelly-Legs Jinx you right now, traitor.**

**Snape: Don't be goofy with me; I'm here to see Voldemort.**

"Um, duh."

**Death Eater 2: How do we know this isn't some Order of the Phoenix practical joke?**

"Because the Order of Phoenix doesn't pull practical jokes."

**Death Eater 1: I though you deserted the Death Eaters when the Dark Lord lost his body?**

"Nope."

**Death Eater 2: Or were you always a spy for Dumble-bore?**

**Death Eater 1: Slumber-snore.**

**Death Eater 2: Bumble-sore.**

"Professor, you should totally change your name to one of those."

**Death Eater 1: I heard you had your Dark Mark laser-surgically removed.**

"I'm pretty sure Voldemort would make sure that his Death Eaters would never be able to remove it."

**Snape: Oh, well if you two know so much about me, you should write a biography, **_**Snape: The Double Agent!**_

"Yeah, I realize he's a double agent, but for which side?"

**That's right; I've always been a servant of Voldemort's.**

Harry glared at Snape, who glared right back.

**I've simply been working undercover finding out valuable information such as the inner workings of Hogwarts, the roster of the Order of the Phoenix, and finding out what exactly a true Hufflepuff is anyway.**

"Someone like Cedric," Harry said quietly.

**I've seen things no Slytherin should see. So if you are done putting each other's feet in each other's mouths, I would like to see my master.**

Harry started glaring at Snape again.

**Death Eater 1: Of course, right away Severus.**

**Snape: Good, I'll be in the drawing room, painting a picture of the stupid looks on your faces.**

"But he can't even see their faces; they're in masks."

**Bellatrix: Then, after sneaking into the Department of Mysteries, we'll enchant the-**

**Death Eater 1: Excuse me.**

"Fatal mistake. Never interrupt Aunt Bella."

**Bellatrix: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Excuse me; I was in the middle of plotting.** **Where was I? The statues will occupy the guards in the Main Lobby while you and I sneak into the Minister's office, where you will be one Killing Curse away from complete control of the entire Wizarding World! How does that sound my Lord? My Lord? Voldemort.**

"Fatal mistake two. You can't just not pay attention to Aunt Bella."

**Voldemort: Uh yeah, Gringotts, that's great. Polyjuice Potion, always very classy. I'm sorry, what are we talking about?**

"I feel sorry for the Dark Lord."

**Bellatrix: Did you hear anything of my evil plan?**

**Voldemort: Well, um, the details are a little fuzzy but uh, you did have a very evil tone.**

"She always has a evil tone," Harry muttered darkly.

**Bellatrix: He's all yours.**

**Voldemort: What? Bellatrix come back. No, it's, don't be like that! Now two people are mad at me!**

"They have a right to be."

**What?**

**Death Eater 1: Sir, Severus Snape is at the door and importunes access to you.**

"Couldn't he have just said 'Snape wants to see you'?"

**Voldemort: Severus Snape, see him in.**

**Snape: Is that a new body my Lord? You look absolutely ravishing.**

Hermione and Ginny sighed dreamily, "He does."

Ron and Harry rolled their eyes.

**Voldemort: Severus, for such a super-secret spy you're a terrible liar. I'm a wreck! Better have some good news.**

"Good news for him is bad news for us."

**Snape: My Lord, you know for years we have been trying to get Death Eaters into the castle. For years we have been trying to sneak Death eaters onto the grounds of Hogwarts, well I think I finally discovered a way how.**

"Great," Harry said sarcastically. "That's just what we need, Death Eaters at Hogwarts."

**Voldemort: Well, by all means Snape, tell me.**

**Snape: I can't.**

"Thank Merlin."

**Voldemort: Can't? Tease! Why not?**

**Snape: I made an Unbreakable Vow not to let any Death Eaters in.**

"Did you really, sir?" Hermione asked curiously.

Snape didn't answer.

**Voldemort: Unbreakable Vows, I hate those.**

"So do I," Snape mumbled under his breath. But Harry managed to hear him.

**Snape: I know, but I had to do it in order to convince Dumbledore of my loyalty.**

**Voldemort: Yes Snape, I understand. Well if you can't help me, what do you propose we do?**

**Snape: Well, I can't tell you, but I've brought along someone who can.**

"Peachy."

**Draco: All hail Lord Voldemort.**

"HA!" Harry jumped up and pointed a finger at Malfoy. "I knew you were a Death Eater."

Malfoy had turned a chalky white color, and was staring at Snape, who merely shook his head.

"Sit down, Harry, this doesn't prove anything," Hermione said exasperatedly.

"But…the musical-"

"Lots of stuff in the musical is wrong. This could be one of them."

"I still think he's a Death Eater."

**Voldemort: Hahahaha! Lucius Milloy's boy?**

"They can't even get your name right…"

**Draco: Malfoy…Malfoy…**

**Voldemort: Are you serious? Help from a child, you've got to be kidding me? Don't make me laugh, I'm pissing!**

Everyone burst out laughing.

**Draco: Oh, if this homemade Dark Mark won't convince you, **

"Dude…best Dark Mark ever."

**then at least hear me out.**

**Voldemort: Okay, okay, okay, how do you propose you get my Death Eaters into your little daycare center, and don't suggest the giant slide or a trampoline because we've already tried those.**

"It is not a daycare center," Hermione said hotly.

"Why would you even try a giant slide or a trampoline? You would never be able to get into Hogwarts like that."

**Draco: The vents, you're Death eaters shall enter through the ventilation system of Hogwarts.**

"…Hogwarts doesn't have vents."

**Voldemort: Duh! The vents! Ugh, how do we find these vents?**

**Draco: Oh, I'll tell you how to get to the vents, but first we discuss the subject of payment.**

"Let me guess, you want a rocket ship to go to your space school?"

**Voldemort: Ah, the catch, there's always a catch. There's nothing in this world so cruel and demanding as the soul of a child. What do you want Malloy?**

**Draco: I want a galaxy-traversing rocket ship with enough fuel to get me to Mars.**

"That would be ten points to Harry."

**Voldemort: What do you want with a rocket ship? What business do you have on Mars?**

**Draco: Let's just say (singing) Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come. Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum, yum, yum!**

"Catchy."

**Snape: With all due respect my Lord there is one tiny flaw in that flawless plan, Albus Dumbledore.**

Dumbledore smiled slightly.

**Voldemort: Ah, you're right Snape. Normally I'd say let's kill him, but I haven't been feeling so evil lately.**

"That's good news for our musical versions."

**So here's how it's gonna break down Milfoy. I need your guarantee that you'll lead my Death Eaters into Hogwarts. I will simultaneously be attacking the Ministry of Magic. Now I need you to promise that by the end of the siege of Hogwarts, Dumbledore will be dead-leave Harry Potter for me, but Dumbledore must die. Do we have a deal?**

"Please say no, Malfoy."

**Draco: We shall shake on it…an Unbreakable Vow.**

Snape narrowed his eyes.

**Voldemort: By the end of tomorrow night, Albus Dumbledore will be dead?**

"He better not be."

**Draco: Yes, and I'll have my rocket ship?**

**Voldemort: When the technology is available.**

"You won't get it for a while then."

**Draco: And-you-have-to-be-my-slave-for-a-whole-day-starting-now! **

Everyone burst out laughing.

"I…can't believe…you…did that…to Voldemort!" Harry wheezed out between laughs.

**Voldemort: No! You little shit! He got me. He got me oh, that is so embarrassing. That's the second time that that's happened. It's why I hate Unbreakable Curses.**

The group was still laughing.

**Draco: Oh, there are so many things I'm going to have you do for me. You're going to clean my room, and lay out my knickers, and you're going to tape **_**Wizards of Waverly Place **_**for me!**

"I do not want the Dark Lord to touch my underwear!" a red-faced Malfoy said, as everyone else laughed even harder.

**Voldemort: Ah, I hate chores!**

**Draco: I'll be busy with a murder. Sometimes…hey.**

"Denied the chance of your own solo. Sucks for you, Malfoy," Ron smirked.

"Stupid Muggles," Malfoy grumbled.

"Oh, hey, another note." Hermione pointed to the small piece of floating down to the coffee table. Ginny reached for it, and started to read:

_Alright, starting about now, it'll be about the future events. Of course, since it's a parody musical, not everything will happen exactly the way it will in real life. I'm pretty sure most of it is just over-exaggerated. But I'm just warning you now; there are several parts that will be very hard on you. I'll send another note when the worst part will come up. I hope you've enjoyed the musical so far._

Harry blinked. "So…that means we'll know who's going to die?"

"Probably," Hermione answered, staring at the note in Ginny's hands.

Harry took a deep breath. "I'm not looking forward to this."

Ron cleared his throat. "Might as well get it over with then."

**Please Review!**


	18. Act 2 Scene 3

**My excuse for not updating yesterday: My dad took my laptop away and I only just got it back now. I had everything all typed up too. Sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I didn't get that letter I wanted. Poop. So, I still don't own HP, Starkid, Zac Efron, Twizzlers, or Redvines (a bag of which I just finished eating)**

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Act 2 Scene 3

**Hermione: Harry, why would Dumbledore want to meet us so late at night?**

"We have never met up in the middle of the night."

**Harry: Well, he's got some information to tell us about Voldemort. Did you bring the Invisibility Cloak?**

"Duh."

**Hermione: I got it right here, but-**

**Ron: Alright Harry, this better be good because I don't have a snack and I'm missing **_**Wizards of Waverly Place**_** for this, okay**_**?**_** So what do we have to do that is so damn, -musician hands him Twizzlers bag- oh my god, thank you.**

Harry wrinkled his nose. "Ew, are those Twizzlers? Ron, how could you like those things, they're totally disgusting."

"I've never had them before in my entire life. Grew up in a wizarding household, remember?"

"Yeah, but still…Redvines are so much better."

A note and several packs of said candy appeared on the coffee table. Harry picked up the note and read it to himself.

_Harry, I totally agree. Redvines are better. Now quit it with the foreshadowing, you'll ruin most of the awesome jokes of the next musical. Hope you enjoy the Redvines!_

Harry glanced up at the bags on the table, then back at the note before finally looking at the bags of candy again.

"Well, what does it say?"

"It was for me only."

"Oh. So, what's with the stuff on the table?"

"Redvines. Try them; they're like the best stuff in the world."

"Okaay…"

Everyone each grabbed a pack of the candy and opened it. Harry looked at them expectantly, with a Redvine already in his mouth. Ron tried it first. Then Hermione and Ginny. Then Dumbledore, who had already tried them but didn't want to say anything and finally Snape and Malfoy.

They loved it.

"Soo good," Ron moaned after one bite. Hermione nodded in agreement as she reached for another one. Ginny was already on her third one and Dumbledore on his fourth (the man certainly loved his candy). Snape and Malfoy were slowly eating their second.

Harry just smirked.

**I love Hogwarts.**

**Harry: Hogwarts is amazing.**

"It sure is," Ron said with a mouth full of Redvines.

**Ron: You want one?**

**Harry: Yeah, I do.**

"No, I don't."

**Hermione: You know what, I am leaving.**

**Harry: Oh no, no, no, no, no you're not. No, you're not. When I said I needed your help, I meant the both of you. So you guys gotta get over these hurt feelings before somebody gets hurt, okay?**

"And the person that would get hurt would be Ron," Ginny said roling her eyes.

Harry chuckled, "Because Hermione would punch him like she did-"

"Like she did who, Potter?"

"Nobody Professor. Nobody."

**So come on.**

**Dumbledore: Hello Harry-oh goddamn it! I told you to come by yourself.** **Why did you have to bring the fans?**

"We're not fans, we're friends."

**Harry: Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione are my best friends and if this information is as important as you say it is then they have a right to hear.**

"Exactly."

**Dumbledore: Well, I've been wrong before. Get in here hotcakes. I was talking to Weasley.**

"Um, ew."

**Ron: Thanks.**

**Dumbledore: Sorry the place is such a sty.**

**-The Golden Trio stop and stare at the Zac Efron poster-**

**Ron: Oh my god, that is a boss Zefron poster.**

"Uh, who is this guy?"

**Harry: It's awesome.**

**Dumbledore: Isn't he the greatest? Whenever I see him, he seems like such a charismatic humanitarian.**

"Huh?"

**Harry: You think you like him? Wrong, because I love him the most; Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anybody else on the planet.**

"Still don't know who this guy is."

**Anyway, that's not what we're here to talk about.**

**Hermione: Right.**

**Harry: ****We're talking about Voldemort.**

"Uh, yeah, we know, that's why we're there in the first place."

**Dumbledore: Harry's right, it's not necessarily about Zefron, everybody knows I like him the most, but about the Dark Lord. If you uh, want to defeat this guy you're going to have to know about Horcruxes.**

"Oh! So that's why there was that pop quiz in the beginning."

"Missing the point, Hermione."

**Ron: Okay.**

**Harry: What's um…**

**Ron: What's that?**

**Harry: What is that?**

**Hermione: What is a Horcrux?**

"You know, only one of you had to ask."

**Dumbledore: A Horcrux is one of the most terrifying pieces of magic that a wizard can create. It's actually when a wizard takes a piece of his soul and puts into something else.**

"Oh my God…" Ginny looked horrified and Malfoy looked a little green.

"That's…that's horrible."

**Ron: Why would anybody ever want to do that?**

**Dumbledore: If you have a Horcrux, you can never truly die. Your body can be dead but your soul can live on.**

Ginny gasped, "So that's how You-Know-Who…" she trailed off.

Harry nodded.

**Hermione: It makes sense now, Harry! Everyone knows that the night your parents were killed that Voldemort was destroyed, but somehow he survived. He must've had a Horcrux!**

**Dumbledore: He didn't just have one Horcrux, he had six of 'em!**

"WHAT!?"

**Hermione: Whoa.**

**Harry: Six?**

"SIX? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DESTROY SIX FREAKIN' HORCRUXES!?"

**Dumbledore: I've already killed the first five for you, so don't worry about that. But you guys have to find the last one with this.**

"That's a foam sword."

"What, were you expecting a real one" Harry snarled.

Hermione looked taken aback.

Harry apologized immediately after, "Sorry Hermione…I'm just a bit stressed."  
"It's fine, don't worry about it."

**Hermione: The Sword of Godric Gryffindor!**

"That is the worst Sword of Gryffindor ever."

**Dumbledore: That's right.**

**Hermione: Godric Gryffindor was one of the four Founders of Hogwarts. If anything can destroy a Horcrux, that sword is it.**

"Hmm…maybe if it was infused the Basilisk venom..." Hermione started to mumble to herself while arry and Ron rolled their eyes affectionately.

**Ron: This thing is so damn awesome. Oh my god, every wizard should have a sword, not this stupid drumstick. Forget about it. –plays with the sword-**

"That…actually makes sense. Why use wands to kill our enemies when we could use swords?"

**Harry: Okay, you know what Dumbledore, we know what a Horcrux is, that's all well and good, but how can we find it? Where are they? Where's the last one? Where is it?**

**Dumbledore: You find them with this. **

"How is a necklace supposed to help?"

**Ron: Whoa!**

**Dumbledore: Looks like G-unit bling, but it is actually a Horcrux seeking medallion.**

"Does that answer your question, Hermione?"

"That shouldn't even exsist."

**Harry: Wait, that's a Horcrux seeking medallion? That sounds a little too convenient.**

"It does."

**Dumbledore: You don't have a problem with a Time Turner, but you have trouble with a Horcrux seeking medallion?**

"Yes."

**Hermione: Wait, so if he has this piece of bling, then why are Ron and I even here?**

**Ron: Yeah, Voldemort isn't any of our business.**

"Is too."

**Dumbledore: Hermione Granger when one of you got a problem then that means all three of you has got a problem. What would Zac Efron say in a time like this? (singing) We're all in this together.**

"I think that was a future joke."

"Probably."

**(talking) Anyways, you just got to find the Horcruxs and you've got to destroy them.** **It's-what is going on? This-oh! It must be the Death Eaters. They're coming to kill me. Kids, get your beards on.**

"What beards?"

**Hermione: We don't have any beards!**

**Dumbledore: I thought I told you to bring beards!**

**Harry: No, we have the Invisibility Cloak!**

"Exactly. Why use a beard when you have an Invisibility Cloak?

**Dumbledore: Oh, well put that on, it's not a beard.**

**Hermione: Hurry, hurry!**

**Death Eater 1: Hey, are you Dumbledore?**

"No, he's Bumble-sore."

**Dumbledore: No, no you see I've got this beard on.**

Hermione faceplamed. Dumbledore chuckled.

**Death Eater 1: Well, have you seen him?**

**Dumbledore: Oh, I thought I saw someone over there by that bureau but I could have just been imagining what I would look like without this beard.**

"Those Death Eaters are really stupid."

**Death Eater 1: Alright everybody, spread out and look for Dumbledore. –the three Death Eaters search for Dumbledore- He's got to be around here somewhere.**

"Yeah, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU."

**Dumbledore: Be careful with the Zac Efron poster, it's an antique.**

"I highly doubt that's an antique."

**Death Eater 1: Why do you care so much about Zefron?**

**Dumbledore: I just appreciate his charms and hair.**

Ginny studied the screen for a moment. "This Zac Efron guy is pretty cute."

"Ginny!"

Hermione nodded in agreement.

"Hermione!"

**Harry: Yeah, but everyone knows I like him best!**

"Harry!"

"What?"

"You just gave away our position!"

**Ron: Oh my God, shut up.**

**Death Eater 2: What was that?**

**Death eater 3: I was I could say that it was me because I feel that I love Zefron the most but it was definitely a voice from within this room.**

"Why is the guy such a big deal?"

**Death Eater 2: Is it an invisible man?**

**Death Eater 3: Could the predator be in the room?**

**Death Eater 1: Begin an invisible man search!**

"…"

"That is a horrible invisible man search."

"You said it."

**Dumbledore: Alright it's me. It's Dumbledore.**

"Sir, you really shouldn't have done that."

**Death Eater 2: Dumbledore, where'd you come from?**

**Dumbledore: The man with the beard turned me in.**

"You were the man in the beard though…"

Hermione shook her head at Ron's confused look.

**Death Eater 2: Now we've got you just where we want you.**

**Dumbledore: Yes, but what I don't understand is how?**

**Death Eater 3: We had the help from a man on the inside. Someone who trusted, someone you may have even loved.**

"I have no clue whatsoever as to whom this person may or may not be."

**Harry: Slughorn?**

"Eh."

**Hermione: Lockhart?**

"Hated him."

**Dumbledore: Aberforth, my brother?**

Hermione looked surprised. "Your brother is Aberforth?"

"Yes, Miss Granger, he is. Though we have not spoken in quite some time."

"Oh."

**Draco: No, it was me.**

**Harry, Ron, Hermione: Oooh.**

"Yeah…should've seen that one coming."

**Dumbledore: Malfoy, you little shit.**

"My thoughts exactly!"

**Draco: That's right Dumbledore. I betrayed everyone and now I'm going to kill you.**

"He won't do it." Harry spoke up suddenly.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "And you know this how exactly?"

"I just do."

**Dumbledore: No you're not. Draco, if you were going to kill me you would have done so already.**

**Draco: No, no, no, not necessarily true. I just wanted to offer you one more game of Connect Four before I offed you.**

"Oh, I've played that came a couple times."

**Dumbledore: Draco, there are other options. You know it's time that you looked inside yourself and figured out what it is you really want.**

**Draco: I want Hermione Granger…and a rocket ship.**

Malfoy looked green again and Hermione was flushed. Ron scowled.

**Dumbledore: Then why didn't you just take the girl out for Happy Meal and go to space camp?**

"McDonalds? That's a bad place for a date."

**Come on, murder leads to a life of despair and desperation. I know you're going to do that right thing, okay. That a boy!**

**Snape: What the devil is going on here?**

"Aaand here comes Snape. Probably gonna ruin everything."

Snape glared at Harry.

**Dumbledore: Severus, thank you.**

**Death Eater 1: We've got Dumbledore cornered.**

**Snape: Well, what are we waiting for? Kill him! Do it Draco.**

Harry looked like he was in a rage. The maddest he had ever been in fact. Ron, Hermione and Ginny were all glaring at Snape. Malfoy was smirking slightly.

**Draco: I don't think I can.**

**Snape: Coward! Ten points from Gryffindor!**

"What!? Malfoy's a Slytherin!"

**Dumbledore: Severus, I don't understand. I gave you my letterman jacket.**

**Snape: It never fit.**

"You're a wizard. Shrink it."

**Dumbledore: Why didn't you tell me? I could have shrunk it with magic. Severus, please don't kill me!**

**Snape: Avada Kedavra! –Dumbledore dies; the Death Eaters cheer-**

Harry started to yell at Snape while Ron swore violently. Hermione and Ginny looked like they were on the verge of tears and Snape was just sitting there, face stony. Malfoy was trying not to be killed by a now red-faced Ron, who was chasing him.

**Harry: I hate Snape, I hate Snape, I hate Snape. I hate him. I'm gonna kill him.**

"Harry…" Hermione sniffed.

**Hermione: It's not your fault Harry!**

**Harry: No, it is my fault, don't you understand? Everybody is dying because of me. First Cedric and now Dumbledore, I can't do it anymore!**

Harry looked down, ashamed.

**Ron: Come on, let's go to the Burrow, come on.**

**Harry: No!** **Don't you get it? I have to do this by myself. I did it once when I was a baby, I can't have you guys be near me you're too much at risk.**

**Hermione: No, we don't care about the risk!**

"We don't." Ron smiled at Harry who gave him a small smile back.

**Harry: No, you don't understand, you have to get away from me.**

**Ron: You can't mean that.**

**Harry: I do. Just leave me alone! –Harry runs off-**

Everyone was silent for a moment until Harry spoke up.

"I can't believe that you-he…" Harry shook his head angrily. "Do you think that was the worst part the person with the note was talking about?"

"No," Hermione said slowly. "The person said they would warn us, so probably not."

"Oh."

"Sorry, Harry."

"Let's just," Harry took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. "Let's just move on."

**Please Review!**


	19. Act 2 Scene 4

**Happy New Year everyone! I present to you another chappie. Sorry if you were expecting large, dramatic scenes in which Harry loses his temper, this story is about humor, no depressing shiz. I have other oneshots for that ;)**

**Thanks for all the reviews/favorites/alerts!**

**Disclaimer: If I didn't own it last chapter, what makes you think I own it this chapter?**

* * *

Act 2 Scene 4

**Voldemort: Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic!**

"Ugh, hated him."

**Fudge: I still don't believe you're back.**

**Voldemort: Believe this Fudge, Avada Kedavra!**

"But I don't want him dead."

**Fudge: Oh! A heart-attack, surely.**

"Denying it even in death? Lame, even for Fudge."

**Bellatrix: WOOO! YES! The Ministry has fallen! Yes! Now you're the Minister, nay, the King of All Magic!** **Oh, Voldemort, take me right here, right now, right here on the Minster's desk!**

Draco covered his eyes, "This isn't happening, this isn't happening."

The others just looked disgusted.

**Voldemort: I'm gonna get ya! I'm gonna get ya! Come here Trixie!** **Wait…you wanna try something new?**

**Bellatrix: Oh, so new!**

**Voldemort: Get on the desk. -Bellatrix lays on the desk- Now sit up, bitch. –she sits up-**

Harry and Ron covered their eyes. "Too gross for my poor innocent eyes."

**Bellatrix: Yes, command me my Lord.**

**Voldemort: -sits back-to-back with Bellatrix- That's nice.**

Hermione and Ginny burst out laughing, "Oh my God, you guys can look, they aren't doing anything."

Harry, Ron, and Draco peeked through their fingers to see Voldemort sitting with his back to an irritated looking Bellatrix.

They started laughing too.

**Bellatrix: So what do we do now?**

**Voldemort: Anything we want…hang out mostly. We can watch a movie, how about **_**She's All That**_**, I haven't seen the beginning.**

The students laughed even harder.

**Bellatrix: Are you feeling okay my Lord?**

**Voldemort: Of course I am Quirrell.**

Hermione's eyes widened. "He didn't…"

"He did," Ginny said, staring at the screen.

"So cute!" both girls squealed. The boys just gave them weird looks.

**Bellatrix: Alright, that's the dozenth time you've called me that.**

"Dozenth isn't a word," Hermione corrected automatically. Harry and Ron sighed and shook their heads fondly.

**Voldemort: No, I uh, I called you a squirrel. I called you a squirrel.**

"I think I'd rather be the squirrel than real Quirrell."

"I'd rather be musical Quirrell."

**Bellatrix: No, you're thinking of that peon that we sent to Azkaban.**

**Voldemort: He's not a peon. More of a man than you'll ever be.**

"Burn."

**Bellatrix: I can't do this. If I'm going to be evil with all of you, then I have to be evil with all of you.**

"Huh. I wonder if she knows about his Horcruxes."

**Voldemort: Evil with all of me? What does that mean? I'm all right here.**

**Bellatrix: No, there are pieces of you missing.**

**Voldemort: Are you talking about my Horcruxes? 'Cause if it weren't for those I wouldn't even be here right now!**

"Yeah…that'd be nice."

**Harry: (singing) I can't remember Dad and I can't remember Mom. Aunts and uncles aren't quite the same, but I had him and life seemed fair. Yes, I had him. He was there to give me strength, show concern, ask for nothing in return. Say hello, talk me through, do the things that fathers should do and I'm missing you. I'm just missing you.**

"Aw, I think you're singing about Dumbledore."

**Quirrell: There it is, he's gone and he's hung me out to dry. The joy he said he felt, well, I guess it was a lie, but when I had him my life was fine. When I had him, he was mine. He'd share his thoughts, be a friend, stick with me until the end. Watch a movie, roller skate, fill the world with fear and hate…**

"Other than the 'filling the world with love and hate' part, it's very sweet."

**Harry, Quirrell: And I'm missing you! I'm just missing you. Now I'm all alone, now you're gone for good. Now I'm stuck right here wishing I understood.**

**Harry: You gave me hope when my spells weren't right.**

**Quirrell: You gave me someone to hold every night and I'm missing you.**

"This is so adorable."

**Harry: I'm just missing you.**

**Quirrell: And I'm missing you.**

**Harry: I'm just missing you.**

**Voldemort: Shit.**

"He is so screwed."

**Death Eater: My Dark Lord, news from Severus Snape, Dumbledore is dead and the Dementors have control the castle. Hogwarts is yours, my Dark Lord.**

**Voldemort: Excellent! Prepare my flying machine. Looks like I'm going back to Hogwarts.**

"Voldemort doesn't have a flying machine." Ron said.

"Do you think that part's real though?" Harry looked troubled.

"The flying machine? Harry, even Ron said-"

"No, not that Hermione, I mean the part about the Dementors having control of the castle. Do you really think Voldemort will take over?"

Hermione's frowned, "Well…possibly. The musical is based on real events."

Harry sighed. "Peachy."

**Please Review!**


	20. Act 2 Scene 5

**Oh my Rowling guys, this chapter was so fun to write. I could not stop smiling.**

**Sorry if you're expecting a huge Romione scene at the end, but I'm not going to do it. Keep in mind that that Ron is still dating Lavendar at this point, and this story is about humor not romance.**

**Disclaimer: New year, new goal: attack the Starkids using awesome ninja skills and demand the rights. Then do the same to JKR and her lawyers.**

* * *

Act 2 Scene 5

**Ginny: Harry!**

**Harry: Ginny, what are you doing here? Get out of here.**

Ginny huffed. "Rude."

**Ginny: No, there's no place to go, the Death Eaters are all over the castle.**

"I really hope that's not actually gonna happen."

**Harry: I know and they're looking for me and if they find me you're going to be with me and you're going to get in trouble. Get out of here!**

**Ginny: What are you going to do?**

"Beat You-Know-Who and save the world. You know the usual." Ron said casually.

**Harry: I don't know Ginny, I'm not cut out for this kind of thing.**

Hermione snorted in disbelief.

**Ginny: You have to do something. I don't know what you can do but you can to do it. You're Harry Potter.**

**Harry: NO!**

**Ginny: You're the Boy-Who-Lived!**

"Ugh, don't remind me."

**Harry: No Ginny, you don't get it! None of you guys get it…I'm just a twelve year old kid.**

Everyone looked amused.

"I almost forgot I was only twelve. You'd think this was my seventh year because of how old the actors look."

A note popped up on the coffee table.

_Technically, this scene is a mix between the very end of your six year and what was supposed to be your seventh year. I think everything after this is seventh year. Also, the actors/actresses were in college when they preformed this._

"Oh."

"What does the person mean by 'what was supposed to be your seventh year'?" Trust Hermione to point out what everyone else missed.

"I'm not sure. Maybe I ran away?"

"It's possible."

**Ginny, I'm sorry but I'm alone. It's hopeless.**

"Hey, leave the pessimism to Harry."

"Hey!"

**Alright? ****(singing) I've been alone, surrounded by darkness**

"Sometimes I really appreciate my character's ability to sing. Sometimes I don't."

**And I've seen how heartless the world can be. I've seen you crying. You felt like it's hopeless. I'll always do my best to make you see. 'Cause Harry you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me and nothing's ever gonna bring us down. 'Cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true.** **It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through.**

"Though I'll admit it's a nice song."

**Now I know it ain't easy,**

**Harry: No, it ain't easy.**

"It's not."

**Ginny: But it ain't hard trying.**

**Harry: It's so hard trying.**

"I suppose."

**Ginny: Every time I see you smiling and I feel you so close to me.**

Harry and Ginny glanced at each other awkwardly before looking away.

**Tell me…**

**Both: 'Cause baby you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me and nothing's ever gonna bring us down 'cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true. It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through.**

Everyone was smiling. Even Snape had this tiny little smile.

**Harry: Well, I still have trouble, I trip and stumble trying to make sense of things sometimes. I look for reasons, but I don't need 'em. All I need is to look in your eyes and I realize…**

"Dude, you don't need to burst into song every time you wanna tell my sister you like her." Ron said, rolling his eyes.

Harry turned red. So did Ginny, but probably more out of anger than embarrassment.

**Ron: Hey Harry.**

**All Four: Baby, you're not alone 'cause you're here with me and nothing's gonna ever take us down. 'Cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true. It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through.**

**Harry: (speaking) You guys, I'm so glad you came back, I'm sorry I shouted. **

"Apology accepted."

**(singing) 'cause it don't matter what'll come to be, **

**All Four: Our love is all we need…**

**Ron: To make…**

**Hermione: To make…**

**Ginny: To make…**

**Harry: To make it…**

**All four: Through.**

"Well, that was nice," Hermione said, still smiling.

**Hermione: Okay, now that we got that four-part harmony out of the way, we gotta look for that Horcrux.**

"Leave it to Hermione to bring us back to reality, no matter how much we don't want to hear it."

**Ron: Well, it could be anywhere. If I had a Horcrux, I would drop it in the bottom of the ocean or I would put it in a pyramid with King Tut and all of his jewels.** **Or I would blast it into space with a monkey who knew nothing about Horcruxes.**

Ron looked confused. "I don't get it."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about it; it's just some Muggle stuff."

**Hermione: Or it could be hidden somewhere around the mundane British countryside. Our search could entail months of depressing camping, breaking into Gringotts, to drinking boatloads of Polyjuice Potion.**

"So obviously that's what we were going to do." Hermione stated.

"Huh?"

"Well, the way my character said it made it seem like that's what we are going to do, but they decided that was too boring for the musical." Hermione looked thoughtful. "But maybe here Professor Dumbledore doesn't destroy most of the Horcruxes and we have to find more than the one that our musical selves are looking for."

"That makes sense." Harry nodded.

Ron looked like he was concentrating on what Hermione just said before nodding slowly. "It does. But I don't think I want to break into Gringotts. Or drink Polyjuice Potion again."

"Neither do I."

"Again?" Snape raised an eyebrow, but the Trio's attention was back to musical.

**Harry: Well, medallion says that's dumb, so we're not going to do that. But it does say it's in one convenient place, get this, Hogwarts.**

Hermione started to mumble to herself. Harry and Ron shot her exasperated looks.

**Ron: That's awesome, I love Hogwarts.**

"Everyone does."

**Harry: Even better, it's in Dumbledore's office.**

**Ron: Ah, bitchin'.**

"Language."

"It's not me!"

**Hermione: Awesome.**

**Harry: So let's go, wait a second. Wait a second, hold the phone, how did you get here? Death Eaters are all over Hogwarts.**

"Yeah, how did you get it?"

"Ron, you realize that it's not actually me, right?"

**Ginny: Oh, I had help.**

**Ron: From who?**

**Ginny: -squeals-**

"I really don't get why they're making me do that all the time."

**Ron: Malfoy!**

"Oh great. Malfoy."

Malfoy glared at them.

**Ginny: Oh, no, no, no, he's really nice now.**

"I find that hard to believe."

Another note popped up.

_Hey, hey, hey, don't be mean. In the future (of your universe) he isn't that bad a guy…other than the part where he tries to-uh, nevermind. But we authors like to believe he wasn't the worst person after the nineteen years later thing. His mom saved your life after all, Harry. And if you judge someone (Snape, Malfoy, etc.) again, I will set their most hardcore fangirls on you. Believe me, you do not want that to happen. We can be very, very, VERY cruel people, especially if you dis one of our favorite characters. Have fun watching the rest of the musical!_

Harry's jaw dropped. "His _mom _saved my _life_? And _Snape and Malfoy _have _fangirls_?"

The others looked equally shocked.

**Draco: Yeah, um, I just wanted to say that song you guys sang was really beautiful**

"Thank you, we know it was amazing."

**and um, while I was backstage, I was working out my high voice and thought maybe I could join you, but you wrapped it up before I could chime in there.**

"Er, sorry."

**Maybe if you do a reprise I could have a little go at it. But as Ginny said, I'm really nice now and I just feel awful about what happened but I mean, could you argue that this was my fault?**

"Absolutely."

"Of course."

"Yes."

**Ron: Absolutely.**

**Harry: Of course.**

**Hermione: Yes. Yes.**

"No need to repeat yourselves," Malfoy said as the Trio blushed.

**Draco: Yeah, that would be a safe argument. But let me ask you one question: do you think I'm happy about this?**

"Yes." Ron said seriously.

Hermione smacked his head.

**Ron: Oh my god, Malfoy just because you're upset doesn't mean you're off the hook.**

**Harry: Yeah, furthermore do you wanna kick your own ass or should we do it for you?**

**Draco: Well, I guess if you're giving me the option, I'll kick my own ass.**

The Trio facepalmed. In unison. It was rather creepy.

**Um, but first, I should teach you how to get into Dumbledore's office. It's ironically the same way the Death Eaters got in.**

"Through the vents?"

**Hermione: Okay, why don't you boys head off to Dumbledore's office, okay, and Ginny and I will take the Invisibility Cloak and we will see if we can contact the Order of the Phoenix. We really haven't seen them the whole play.**

"Huh. You're right."

"When is she not?"

**Harry: That's a good plan, don't touch me, let's get out of here, let's go.**

**Ron: Hey, Hermione, c'mere, come down stage. Uh, listen uh, uh, shit.**

Harry, Ginny, and Malfoy smirked at Ron and Hermione who were scooting away from each other slowly. Just in case.

**Um, alright hey, so…I've been acting like a real jerk-ass lately. You know that and uh, and I'm sorry.**

Hermione looked faintly surprised that Ron was apologizing.

**It's just seeing you dance with everyone at the Yule Ball just made me kind of jealous. Um, I was-I was jealous.**

Hermione was even more surprised. "You were jealous?"

Ron was turning a nice shade of Weasley red.

**Hermione: You were jealous?**

"No need to repeat yourself Granger."

**Ron: That's the third time I've said I was jealous.**

**Hermione: Ron we don't really have to talk about this right now.**

**Ron: Well, what if the Death Eaters get us? What if we don't' come back, you know?**

"Oh, Ron," Hermione said softly.

**Hermione: Ron, don't say that- -Ron kisses her-**

Now both Ron and Hermione were red. Ron was practically in Harry's lap, so he moved closer to Ginny who was already slightly squished (as big as the couch was, there were four teenagers on it). Hermione was in danger of falling over the end, she was sitting so close to the arm.

**Ron: Whoa. Oh my God.**

**Hermione: Oh.**

Harry chuckled and shook his head at the couple's faces. Ginny was giggling and Malfoy was smirking. Even Dumbledore and Snape were looking amused.

**Ron: -sniffs Hermione's breath- Oh, no wait. –sprays stuff in her mouth- It's blueberry.**

Hermione wrinkled her nose.

**Hermione: Yeah, I can taste it.**

**Ron: You settled?**

**Hermione: Y-yeah.**

**Ron: -sniffs Hermione's breath again- It's ungodly.**

"Prat," Hermione muttered under her breath.

**-puts mint in her mouth- Take two. Take two. You chew it. -sniffs Hermione's breath again- Awesome.**

Harry rolled his eyes. "You guys are so weird."

**Hermione: -rubs hand over Ron's face and body before doing that awkward tongue-kiss thing-**

Harry, Ginny, and Malfoy burst out laughing. Dumbledore was twinkling full-force and Snape's mouth twitched. Ron and Hermione passed red and turned scarlet.

**Ron: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! LET'S GO KILL VOLDEMORT!**

Harry and Ginny laughed even harder at this, leaning against each other for support. Malfoy was doubled over, clutching his stomach as he laughed.

Ron and Hermione just refused to look at each other.

**Please Review!**


	21. Act 2 Scene 6

**This was a depressing chapter for me to write. So I'm sorry if it isn't very funny.**

**Thnaks for the reviews/favorites/alerts!**

**Disclaimer: Well, I have decided that you guys can be the ninja army. We will all attack the Starkids and get the rights before moving on to JKR. Sound good?**

* * *

Act 2 Scene 6

**Draco: Do you not see this Zefron poster?**

"Great. Now I'm obsessing over this guy. I blame you for this Potter."

"Hey!"

**Ron: Yeah, we know Malfoy.**

**Harry: We already know about it.** **Listen, Malfoy, it's not that big of a deal, can we just look for some Horcruxes please?**

**Ron: Roger. Is this thing of pencils a Horcrux?**

"I doubt it."

**Harry: -holds medallion up- No.**

**Draco: That it? -Harry holds medallion up to where Draco is holding a drawer- **

"Why would it be that?"

**Harry: Nope.**

**Ron: Is this a Horcrux?**

**Harry: Nope.**

**Draco: Powdered doughnuts?**

Ron's eyes lit up and he ran to the kitchen, embarrassment over the kiss between his musical self and Hermione earlier forgotten. He came back out a moment later holding a pack of powdered doughnuts. Ginny facepalmed.

**Harry: Nope.**

**Ron: Those are snacks, those are snacks. –Ron puts the doughnuts in his pocket- **

"Of course."

**Is this a Horcrux?**

**Harry: No.**

**Ron: Ugh, this could take forever, there are so many things in this room. The only thing with real value? That Zefron poster.**

"Oh Merlin, you have got to be kidding me."

"It's the poster, isn't it?"

"Noo, what gave you that idea?"

Ron glared at Ginny, who just smiled back cheekily.

**Harry: Wait a second…**

**Draco: No. **

**Harry: You don't think, no. Anything relating to Zac Efron would never be anything evil.**

"Obviously that's not true."

**Ron: Of course.**

**[Voldemort shows up in the poster]**

**Harry: Ron, kill it. Kill it; it's the last Horcrux! Kill it, Ron!**

"Well, at least we know that's a Horcrux."

Harry sighed. "Remember that this guy is probably only like five here. So obviously, it cannot be an actual Horcrux."

"Oh yeah."

**Draco: Don't kill it, it's Zefron!**

**Ron: I know, he's so charismatic!**

Hermione rolled her eyes. Why did these people like him so much?

**Horcrux: Don't kill me; I'm not your enemy. Potter is the enemy.**

"No I'm not!"

**Ron: No, no, no, Harry's my friend.**

"Thank you."

**Horcrux: But you have to get your head in the game, Weasley.**

"I don't get it…" Malfoy looked confused as to why the audience was laughing so hard.

"Probably something from a movie he was in." Hermione tried to explain.

"What's a movie?"

**He will betray you; take that which you want the most.**

Ron's eyes widened and he slowly started to turn red as he realized what the Horcrux was getting at.

**Harry: It's a lie, Ron, don't listen to him, he's lying!**

**Horcrux: I know your thoughts Ron Weasley; I know what you truly desire. **

**[Horcrux changes from Voldemort's face to Hermione's]**

Malfoy started to laugh, Ginny grinned, Hermione turned red, and the professors looked amused. Harry smiled faintly, but still looked worries about the whole Horcruxes thing.

**Horcrux: Hello Ron!**

**Ron: Oh my god Hermione, you've lost weight.**

Hermione huffed and tried to slap Ron upside the head. Ron ducked his head, looking sheepish.

**Horcrux: That's right, I'm in shape for Harry Potter.**

"Erm, no offense Hermione, but you're like my sister, so that's kinda…" Harry trailed off.

Hermione smiled. "Don't worry about it, Harry."

**Ron: Wait, what, Harry?**

**Horcrux: That's right, as long as Harry's around you'll always be second best; least loved. But if Harry Potter were gone then we could be together forever.**

"Please don't kill me, I already have other people to do that."

**Harry: Ron, it's not true Ron.**

**Ron: Yeah, Harry's my friend.**

"Yes! I'm your friend!"

**Horcrux: But don't you want me Ron?**

_Yes_, Ron thought.

**Ron: Yes.**

**Horcrux: Don't you love me Ron?**

_Yes_, Ron thought again.

**Ron: Yes.**

**Horcrux: Then you know what you have to do, Ron.**

**Ron: Yes, I must kill Harry.**

"No way!" Ron cried out. "I would never do that! Harry's my best friend!"

**Horcrux: That's right, Weasley.**

**Harry: Ron, no! It's a trick Ron. Don't listen to her. Listen, stop it, Hermione's one of my best friends. I would never do anything to hurt you or her.**

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

**Horcrux: Lies Weasley, all lies. He wants her for himself!**

"I just explained that I didn't!

**Harry: Ron, it's not true, you're my best friend, man, my best friend!**

"Exactly."

**Horcrux: Kill him! Kill him!**

**Harry:** **Come on, I'm your best friend. No, Ron please!**

"Yeah Ron, don't kill Harry."

"I won't kill Harry!" said Ron looking frustrated.

**Ron: AAAH! –Ron hits the Zefron poster many, many times-**

"See!"

**Harry: Do it again. –Ron hits the Zefron poster a couple more times before collapsing and opening a pack of powdered doughnuts-**

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Of course."

**Draco: -picks up the Zefron poster- Oh you can put some tape on this, it's fine.**

"I can't believe I'm worried about the poster…"

**Harry: Ron, you had me going there for a minute there buddy.**

"He had all of us going."

**Ron: Oh yeah, sorry about that pal, it's just everything she was saying you know, I couldn't...I don't know.**

**Harry: What?**

**Ron: Even if that's how she did feel about you and me, well it wouldn't matter. You're my best friend. I would never do anything to hurt you. -both are getting very emotional-** **I mean 'cause I love you.**

Hermione smiled and Ron slung an arm around Harry's shoulder.

**Harry: I love you too man. –Harry and Ron hug-**

**Draco: Well um, listen chaps, as fun as this was, I thought destroying the Horcrux would be much harder.**

Hermione frowned. "Yeah, it should have been harder than that."

**Harry: Yeah, me too.**

**Ron: When you think about it? Horcruxes are just kind of stupid.**

**Harry: A little bit.**

"They are stupid."

**Bellatrix: Wands down boys!**

"Oh great. That's just what we need."

**Draco: How did you idiots get captured? You were invisible!**

**Hermione: Sorry!**

"That's not really an explanation."

**Bellatrix: Do it Potter or they die! **

**Harry: Well, it looks like we have our backs against the wall with nowhere to go. Put your swords down and wands. -they all drop their weapons-**

Harry looked scandalized. "Did…did we just give up?! We never give up!"

**Bellatrix: Ah, look at Baby Potter, giving orders to his itty bitty diaper friends.**

**Harry: I'm not a baby. I'm not a baby, I'm twelve.**

"A fact that we keep forgetting."

**Snape: What the devil is going on here? -normal non-Snape voice- Whoa, déjà-vu. I'm sorry. -back to Snape-voice- Huuh!**

"Hey, his real voice doesn't sound too bad."

**Bellatrix: Welcome Snape, I love it! We have Potter and his friends at last.**

**Hermione: Oh, you are a very mean person!**

Harry nodded.

**Ron: Yeah, Dumbledore trusted you!**

Hermione nodded.

**Harry: Yeah, you're a big fat traitor, Snape.**

Ron nodded.

**Snape: Oh, a traitor, am I Potter? You're exactly right. I am a traitor because I'm about to betray someone. Right now…hi-yah! -cuts off a Death Eater's hand, freeing Ginny- **

Harry's jaw dropped. "Snape's on our side?!"

**Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny: Aaaaaahh!**

**Snape: Bat-Bogey Hex!**

"That's not even the right incantation." Ginny huffed.

**Death Eater: No!**

**Bellatrix: Expelliarmous! Serpentsortia!**

**Snape: My wieeneeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!**

Hermione's eyes widened while Ginny struggled to hold in her laughs. The boys were practically rolling on the floor they were laughing so hard.

**Harry: Snape, no, Snape!**

**Bellatrix: Oh, don't even think about moving unless anyone of you wants a snake to the wiener. Now come on Potter, you're coming with me. Only the Dark Lord has the right to kill you. Come on!**

"Um, no thanks," Harry said as he sat back on the couch. "I'd rather not."

**Mrs. Weasley: Kids!**

**Ginny and Ron: Mom?**

**Harry: Mrs. Weasley?**

"What?"

**Bellatrix: Who the hell are you?**

**Mrs. Weasley: I'm Molly Weasley and those are my kids. Avada Kedavra!**

Ron and Ginny looked shocked that their mother would ever do something like that."

**Bellatrix: That is not fair.**

**Mrs. Weasley: Die, bitch.**

"I wonder if that's how she really dies in the future…"

**Ron: Holy shit, Mom you just killed her. I thought you were going to tuck in her shirt or make her do the dishes.**

"Yeah, that sounds like something she would do."

**Mrs. Weasley: -claps - Stupid kids! -Ron and Ginny grab their ears-** **Desperate times call for desperate measures. Even the unforgivable can be considered forgivable sometimes.**

Dumbledore frowned.

**Ginny: What are you doing here?**

The screen froze.

"What the-"

A note fluttered down and Harry picked it up and started to read:

_Well, I told you I would warn you. The worst part is coming up. Now, I'm going to give you a choice: you can watch the rest of this scene and hear a list of only a few of the dead or you can just skip to the next scene. Keep in mind that you won't remember this when I send you back, nor would you know how the people died, thus not knowing how to change it. I leave it up to you._

Harry stared at the note before looking up at everyone. "A list of the dead. That's what it is."

Hermione looked horrified. "We shouldn't watch it!"

"And why not?" Ron challenged. "We could fix it!"

"We won't remember, you idiot." Ginny said. "I agree with Hermione. We shouldn't watch it."

"We should."

Everyone stared at Harry in shock. "Harry, I thought you of all people-"

"Yeah, you thought wrong," Harry said. "But he said we would remember when we turned 19, right? So he isn't really getting rid of the memories. He's just hiding them somehow. We might be able to remember that they die. Even if it's only subconsciously, it's good enough for me. We have to watch it."

Hermione sighed. "Harry, I understand-"

"No, you don't understand!" Harry said angrily; he was now pacing the room. "I already lost Sirius, and the musical says that Dumbledore dies too! I'm not going to lose anyone else!"

Hermione's expression softened. "Alright, Harry, we'll watch it. But I hope you know what you're doing."

"Thanks, Hermione."

Another note appeared on the table. This time Ginny picked it up:

_Okay then, you can watch it. I would like to warn you though; this _will _be hard on you. Also, I'm a girl. Please do not refer to me as a 'he'. Thank you._

"Sorry 'bout that."

"Let's just watch the thing," Malfoy said impatiently.

Harry took a deep breath. "Yeah. Let's start."

**Mrs. Weasley: I came here with the Order of the Phoenix: Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, Sirius Black, and your brother Fred.**

**Ron: Oh great, where are they?**

**Mrs. Weasley: They're all dead.**

Ron had silent tears running down his face and Ginny was sobbing. Fred couldn't die, he was Fred. He just couldn't die…

Harry was biting his lip, eyes filled with tears. Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye, Fred, Sirius…they didn't deserve to die. And he knew that somehow, all of those deaths were his fault.

Hermione was crying. Malfoy was pale. Dumbledore looked worried. Even Snape looked a little worse than usual.

**Ginny: Fred? No.**

**Mrs. Weasley: Anyway, just came here to save your lives, go back to what you were doing. Disapparate! –blows them a kiss-**

"That was a lot of foreshadowing." Malfoy said quietly.

"Too much for one scene." Snape agreed.

"Shall we take a break?" Dumbledore suggested.

Harry shook his head. "No. I want to get this over with."

The rest of the group agreed.

**Please Review!**


	22. Act 2 Scene 7

**Augh, this was supposed to be up this morning, but I was dragged to my brother's basketball game. They lost, but I blame it on the fact that all of my school's sports teams suck.**

**To address xoverlover's review: they had gotten there at night, hence the part where they eat dinner (it takes time to cook and eat too). I like to assume it takes twice as long as the length of the scene they are watching to for them to actually finish a scene, so maybe and average of 15 minutes per? It's really up to the reader to decide.**

**Disclaimer: Ok, I decided to call all of you amazing readers the 'Ninja Army', so NA for short. We still on for attacking the Strakids and JKR, yeah? I was thinking March 7th...**

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Act 2 Scene 7

**Harry: Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape! Um, Expelliarmous! –snake is tossed to the side-**

**Ron: Die, die, die! –stomps snake to death-**

Ron smiled slightly, though he still looked upset over Fred's death.

**Hermione: Oh no, Harry, this does not look good. That is a coral snake and a coral snake is a highly poisonous snake.**

**Snape: Potter, she's right. It's too late for me now. Before I go, I need to tell you there is another Horcrux!**

Harry paled.

**Hermione: How can that be? All six Horcruxes have been destroyed!**

**Snape: No, no, there's a seventh.**

Harry took a deep breath. "Just what I needed."

Dumbledore looked to be deep in thought, as if he knew what was about to happen (which he probably did. Hello, it's Dumbledore, people, he knows everything).

**Ron: I really hope it's not an Ashley Tisdale poster, I can't do that.**

Malfoy looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it when he looked at the Trio's facial expressions. Hey, even Malfoys have to know when to stop.

**Snape: Check the medallion.**

**Harry: It doesn't say anything.**

**Snape: Give it to Granger.**

**Hermione: Wait a minute, it says there's one right here, but I don't understand.**

Dumbledore sighed, his suspicion confirmed.

**Harry: Yeah.**

**Snape: Harry, the night Voldemort killed your parents, he tried to destroy you, but his body was destroyed instead. When that happened, a part of his soul was blasted away from the whole and attached itself to you.**

Hermione and Ginny started to cry again, and Harry looked flabbergasted. "Does that mean…do I have to die?"

"Harry, my boy, I'm afraid it may." Dumbledore said gravely. Harry sunk down in his seat, still looking shocked. Malfoy and Snape stared at him, an odd expression on both of their faces.

**Voldemort can never truly die until all of the Horcruxes have been destroyed.**

**Hermione: But, if Harry's a Horcrux, I mean, does Harry has to be destroyed?**

**Harry: There's got to be another way.**

Harry looked at Dumbledore, a spark of hope in his eyes.

Dumbledore sighed, "I'm sorry, Harry, but I do not know if there is another way to destroy the Horcrux and keep you living."

**Snape: No, Potter, I'll show you what you need to do. Watch very carefully. -dies-**

Harry bit his lip so hard it started to bleed. Ron had wrapped his arm around a still sobbing Hermione and looked like he was trying to hold back tears.

**Draco: He-he didn't even do anything.**

**Harry: It's because he's dead you dumb motherf…**

Ron gave a watery smile.

**Voldemort: -taps wand on the floor then places it against his throat- People of Hogwarts, my Death Eaters have taken the castle and your Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is dead.**

Harry growled at Snape, who sneered back.

**Continue to resist and you will all be killed one by one. But, there need not be war between us, you've all fought so valiantly and I'm willing to offer you positions in my new world order…as my slaves.**

"Like we'd ever follow him," Ginny spat.

**Give up now and be forgiven. I command my Death Eaters to stand down. No, Harry Potter, I speak directly to you. If you do not wish for those close to you to continue to suffer and die on your behalf, you will come face me yourself. I'll be waiting for you in the Forbidden Forest for one hour. At the end of that hour, if you have not come to face me, have not turned yourself in, the battle recommences and this time, Potter, I shall enter the fray myself and I will find you and I will murder every last man,**

**Ron: -gasp-**

**Voldemort: Woman,**

**Hermione: -gasp- **

**Voldemort: And child **

**Draco: No.**

**Voldemort: Who tries to conceal you from me. Voldemort out, bitches. –taps wand on floor again-**

The group laughed weakly.

**Hermione: Alright guys don't worry. We still have an hour, okay? We just need to come up with a plan.**

"Hermione…I don't think we're going to have a plan this time."

**Harry: There's no plan Hermione. I know what I have to do…I have to die.**

Harry nodded. Hermione, Ginny, and Ron all glared at him.

**Ginny: No, no, no, no, there's gotta be another way.**

**Hermione: Well, maybe there's something in this book, you know? We could find some sort of enchantment that'll nullify the-**

"I doubt it."

**Harry: No, forget about it. There's only one thing to do; I have to die. I love you all, except you Draco, I can't –bleep- stand you.** **Bye.**

Ron chuckled. "It's true."

**Ginny: Harry!**

**Ron: Harry!**

**Death Eater: He's not coming my Lord.**

Ron, Ginny, and Hermione sighed in relief.

**Voldemort: It seems that way. Well, Death Eaters, it looks like we're going back to seize the castle. This is what Potter has chosen. Funny, I-I expected him to-I expected him to come. It seems I was mistaken.**

**Harry: You weren't.**

Now they groaned and shot Harry identical looks that made him sink into his seat further.

**Voldemort: Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. Crucio! **

Harry bit his lip even harder than before, remembering the pain that came with the curse.

**Harry: -drops in pain- OW!**

**Voldemort: Crucio! You're not even going to fight back? You're weak. Weak, just like your parents. They did not deserve to live in this world, in my world.**

Harry looked angry and opened his mouth (probably to yell) but Ginny shushed him, staring at the screen with such intensity Harry was surprised it hadn't exploded yet.

**Prepare to join them, prepare to die. Avada Kedavra!**

Hermione cried out and Ginny buried her head into Harry's chest, weeping. Ron had silent tears running down his face as he held onto Hermione more tightly, than before as if she too might die if he didn't. Harry looked grave.

**Death Eaters: Wohoo! Whoo! Voldy! Voldy! You've done it my Lord. Potter is dead, no one shall ever question your powers again!**

**Voldemort: Yes…**

**Death Eater: Doesn't this please you my Lord?**

"Killing someone never should."

**Voldemort: -checks Harry's body- Yeah, yeah it's great. It's great. I just thought it might make me feel less empty inside.** **Well Death Eaters, let's go back to Hogwarts to tell them what has become of their hero.**

The group was silent as stone as they waited for the next scene.

**Please Review!**


	23. Act 2 Scene 8

**Well, guys, here's the other chapter I promised (thank wizard-god for three day weekends!)**

**Happier chappie! Soon it'll be over :( But no need to worry! AVPS is still to come!**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: No rights for me until the Starkids and JKR have been attacked by the Ninja Army!**

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Act 2 Scene 8

**Dumbledore: Hey Harry.**

**Harry: Whoa!** **Dumbledore, what? What are you doing? Where am I? I thought I was dead, I got shot by Voldemort.**

"I didn't get shot," Harry said, rolling his eyes. "He cursed me."

**Dumbledore: Let's just say you're somewhere between our world and theirs.**

**Harry: What, did I survive? Wha-?**

"I don't think I survived."

**Dumbledore: It wouldn't be the first time Potter. Take a seat.**

"WAIT, DOES THAT MEAN I DID SURVIVE?!"

**Harry: Alright.**

**Dumbledore: Harry, have you ever heard of a-sit down-ever heard of a love shield?**

"It sounds a little stupid," Malfoy said.

**Harry: Uh, no, but it sounds kinda-kinda fruity.**

"Not really."

**Dumbledore: A love shield is anything but fruity. It's when somebody loves you so much that if they were ever willing to give their life for you, that love literally becomes a shield which surrounds your body, protects you from any form of Dark Magic.**

**Hermione turned to Dumbledore. "Does this really exist?"**

Dumbledore was twinkling again. "I believe it does, Miss Granger."

**Harry: So, was that what just happened to me? I have a love shield?**

"From your mother, most likely," Snape said quietly.

**Dumbledore: Harry, it's time for you to learn all the things you should have learned all these seven years ago, which really would have helped you along the way.**

"Wait, why seven? I thought I was a second year…"

**The love shield protected you the first time, uh Voldemort accidently turned you into the seventh Horcrux, the one not even he knew about,**

**Harry: That's why I survived the first time.**

Harry nodded slowly.

**Dumbledore: Exactly and when he tried to kill you the this time, he was actually unknowingly killing the piece of himself inside of you, uh and I've known the whole time.**

"Thank you for telling me this, sir," Harry said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

**Harry: You knew this whole time, you bastard.**

**Dumbledore: Hey, hey, they don't call me the greatest wizard who ever lived for nothing. Harry, it is time for you to get your cute little butt back there and fight him as a mortal man. Except this time, he' will be a mortal man too.**

"So…I can really defeat him now?" Harry looked hopeful.

**Harry: Dumbledore, I get what you're saying. I know what I have to do.**

Harry nodded again.

**Dumbledore: Good boy.**

**Harry: Hey, before I go, um so you're clairvoyant now right? You can see the past, present, and future all at the same time?**

"So you can tell me about those Spiderman movies!"

**Dumbledore: Yeah.**

**Harry: Can you tell me how Lost ends?**

"What the hell is Lost?"

**Dumbledore: Harry, there are some questions that even I can't answer.**

**Harry: Thanks, man.**

**Dumbledore: Hey, no problem, get out of here, third door on your left there.**

**Rumbleroar: Are you ready to go, Dumbledore?**

"Is that…Rumbleroar?!"

"He actually _exists_?"

**Dumbledore: Sure am, Rumbleroar.**

"Oh my Merlin, he_ is_ real!"

**Rumbleroar: And you're sure that you don't want to let Harry Potter know that you're really still alive?**

Harry whipped around to face Dumbledore, almost hitting Ginny in the face. "Why wouldn't you tell me?!"

**Dumbledore: Eh, no, Pigfarts has been a closely guarded secret for thousands of years. Hate to let the cat out of the bag.**

"Not cool!"

**Rumbleroar: I suppose you're right. Do you have your spacesuit Dumbledore?**

**Dumbledore: Oh, thank you for reminding me. Ready to go, Rumby?**

**Rumbleroar: I sure am, to Pigfarts! RUMBLEROAR!**

Hermione looked shocked. "He…exists…why isn't there a book about this?!"

**Voldemort: People of Hogwarts, it's me. Harry Potter is dead. He was killed while running away, trying to save himself,**** w****hile you laid down your lives for him.**

"Bastard," Harry growled. "I'd never."

**The battle is won. My Death Eaters outnumber you. Continue to resist and be slaughtered. Come out of the castle, kneel before me and you may be spared.**

**Ron: Oh shit, okay, um alright, uh you guys, you guys barricade the door. Go with uh, with the bench. Go, go do it. Do it right now. -students barricade door- Cho, you see if Neville's dead. Um, you guys, go get snacks!**

"You barricaded the freaking door."

**Oh shit, we barricaded the door. Um, me, I will-I will -pulls out a cigarette and throws it behind him- quit. Well, there's only one thing we need do. We're gonna to fight.**

**Draco: Come on, I'm tired. Can't we just be Death Eaters?**

Ron glared. "No. We can't."

**Ron: No, no we can't just be Death Eaters. Okay? We are gonna fight, okay? And we are gonna fight so hard, that we are gonna win.**

"Well, duh. That's the point of fighting."

**(singing) He thinks that we're finished. He thinks that we're done. He thinks that it's over, his battle is won! Ha! He thinks that we're finished, no, but we aren't through. Stop and think my friends what would Harry do for you?**

"Fight until he'd die."

**Hermione: Harry never gave up the fight. Harry stood up for what is right.**

"Exactly."

**Well, now it's our turn.**

**Ron and Hermione: Our turn! Make a joyful sound, Voldemort is going down!**

The Trio (plus Ginny) smiled a bit.

**Ron: Come on!**

**Hermione: Get up guys.**

**Ron: Get in a line!**

**Ron, Hermione, and Ginny: We must unite so we can fight, turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout! Voldemort is going down.**

The Gryffindors were grinning, a little happier now that they knew that Harry wasn't dead and that they were going to take Voldy down.

**Hermione: Can't you feel the fire burning? Now it's time to be a man, a great big-muscley-super big-super hot man! **

"And who would that be, exactly?"

**Students: AH!**

**Everyone: We won't be pushed around anymore. We'll be a force you cannot ignore. We'll be an army for Dumbledore!**

"Does that make him the super-big guy from before?" Ron looked faintly disgusted. "No offense, sir, but I can't actually see that."

**For Dumbledore! We must unite, so we can fight, turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout! Voldemort is going down.**

**Harry: Guys, I'm alive! -everyone goes crazy- Guys, I know how to defeat Voldemort. Everybody follow me okay?**

"We will always follow you, Harry."

**Everyone: We must unite so we can fight, turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout. Voldemort is going…**

**Harry: We must unite, so we can fight!**

**Everyone: Voldemort is going down!**

**Ron: Yeah!**

The Gryffindors cheered.

**Please Review!**


	24. Act 2 Scene 9

**GUUYS! Last chapter :( So sad. But you're pretty lucky I got this up at all. I'm pretty sleep-deprived. I had loads of school stuff to do this week, I ****took my Placement Test this morning, I have Open House tomorrow, Catholic Schools Week all next week, the Science fair, and another science project to do. I really want to sleep.**

**ANYWHO, I'll just shut up and let you read now.**

**Disclaimer: Ninja Army, I'm afraid since this story is over, we have to postpone the attack until the next story. Until then, I don't own!**

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Act 2 Scene 9

**Ron: No, it's cool we barricaded it. He can't get in, we barricaded the door. It's impossible. –Voldemort gets through the barricade-**

"Well…that's bad."

"Really? Hadn't noticed, thanks for pointing that out for me, Ron."

"No need to be so sarcastic, Harry."

**Voldemort: Avada Kedavra! WHAT? Potter, how many times do I have to kill you boy?**

"Apparently, more than once."

**Harry: Apparently, more than once**

"That's not creepy at all."

**but it's all over Voldemort. You can't kill me this time. Nobody help me, I've got to do this by myself.**

Harry nodded.

**Voldemort: He doesn't mean that. It's not how he operates, is it boy? Who are you going to use as a human shield this time Potter?**

"Nobody!" Harry protested.

**Hermione: Ron! –Ron stepped forward, but Hermione calls him back-**

"Such a Ron thing to do."

**Harry: Nobody, because this time it's just you and me because all the Horcruxes are gone. I destroyed them all.**

**Voldemort: What? Even my Zefron poster?**

**Harry: Especially the Zefron poster.**

"Because Dumbledore destroyed the rest of them and we have no clue what they are."

**Voldemort: NO! Curse you Potter you'll die for that.**

"No I won't."

**Harry: No, I won't. I won't because you can't kill me.** **And you can't kill any of these people.**

**Voldemort: What the _ are you on about?**

**Harry: You don't learn from your mistakes, do you Voldemort, I was prepared to die to save these people.**

**Voldemort: But you didn't!**

**Harry: Yes, but I meant to**

"You're always ready to die to save the ones you love, aren't you, Harry?" Ginny smiled fondly at Harry, who blushed.

**and that's what did it. I've done what my mother did for me for these people. I've given them magical sanctuary so you can't hurt me or these people ever again.**

"Thank Merlin."

**Voldemort: So, what? Who cares about these children, it's you I want dead Potter. What's to stop you from dying when I strike?**

**Harry: Just one thing, think of all the people you've hurt, Voldemort, all the lives you've destroyed, all the people you've killed okay. Try a little slice of remorse pie.**

"That doesn't sound very appetizing whatsoever."

**Voldemort: What?**

**Harry: There's gotta be one person, one thing in your life you miss, that you regret.**

"Quirrell!"

**Voldemort: Well, maybe there's one…**

"QUIRRELL!" Ginny and Hermione cheered.

**NO! There isn't! The jokes on you Potter. I don't care about anybody.**

The girls pouted and the guys rolled their eyes.

**Harry: I know and that's what makes you such a piece of shit. Because here at Hogwarts, we all stick together. We love one another, we're friends. My love is protecting these guys and their love is all I need to protect me from you.**

"Nice speech."

"I try."

**Voldemort: Let's put that theory to the test Potter. Avada Kedavra!**

**Harry: Expelliarmus! -Voldemort dies-**

**Cho: Well, Chocolate frogs, Harry Potter did it y'all! -everyone cheers-**

The Gryffindors cheered with the people on the screen. Dumbledore and Snape looked satisfied with the outcome and Malfoy just sat there.

**Ron: WHOA! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Listen, hey…**

Ginny and Harry turned red when they saw the actors on the floor, making out. Malfoy was laughing, Hermione was giggling, and Ron was attempting to look disapproving, but his lips were twitching upwards.

**Harry: -Harry stops making out with Ginny- What?**

**Ron: I just want to let you guys know that I'm totally cool with it. Go ahead.**

Ron grinned and nodded. "I agree with musical me. No one's better for Ginny than Harry. Plus that would make him my real brother, which is totally awesome."

Hermione rolled her eyes at his choice of adjectives and Harry blushed a darker red than before.

**Come on Hermione, make out with me.**

Now Rona and Hermione were pink.

**Hermione: Guys, I guess that ties up all the loose ends.**

"No it doesn't," said Hermione. "There's still the House Cup Tournament."

**Harry: Yeah, that's cool.**

**Hermione: Oh, except for the House Cup tournament.**

"No need to repeat yourself, Granger."

**Neville: Kids, kids, look at this! I found Dumbledore's will.**

**Harry: Dumbledore's will?**

**Hermione: Gather around.**

**Neville: Yeah, it says: Upon the event of my death, that Gryffindor wins the House Cup!**

"Awesome."

**It also says that Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter,**

Harry's eyes widened.

**My chocolate factory goes to Charlie,**

"I love that book!" Hermione smiled.

**And Toon Town goes to the Toons! -everyone cheers again-**

"I actually have no clue about that one."

**Harry: Hey guys, well, I guess all the professors are dead so, Butterbeers on me!**

"That was a lot of sympathy you showed there, Harry."

"Shut up."

**Dementor: Free to go.**

**Quirrell: Thank You.**

"Woo! Quirrell is back!"

**Dementor: You know, while I was devouring every single one of your happy thoughts, they all seemed to be about a certain friend of yours.**

"Aaw."

**Care to talk?**

**Quirrell: No, that's behind me now.**

**Dementor: Sorry, well did you hear the news? Voldemort is dead! Yeah, good luck getting off this impenetrable island!**

"That's terrible news." Hermione frowned.

Harry gawked at her. "It's terrible news that Voldemort is DEAD?"

"For Quirrell it is. Hello, love of his life?" Ginny rolled her eyes. "Gosh, Harry, don't you know anything?"

**Quirrell: Dead? -drops to ground and cries-**

Hermione and Ginny sniffed.

**Voldemort: Hey you.**

"OH MY MERLIN, JUST DIE ALREADY."

"Yeah, only Harry's allowed to come back from the dead."

"Exactly!"

Hermione and Ginny cooed. "How sweet! He came back for Quirrell!"

The boys gave them weird looks. "The two of you are mental."

**Quirrell: Voldemort, is it really you?**

**Voldemort: What's left of me.**

**Quirrell: But I just heard that you were-**

"Don't bring it up!"

**Voldemort: Destroyed? Yeah, but Quirrell, there's a part of me that is still here and I can't go on to the next plane without it. It's a part of me that can't be destroyed because it's right in…here. -points to Quirrell's heart-**

Hermione and Ginny 'aawed' again.

**Quirrell: In my heart? So you came back?**

**Voldemort: I came home.**

"SO cute!"

**Quirrell: And you don't want to kill Harry Potter anymore?**

"Please don't!" Harry begged the screen.

**Voldemort: No, because I learned something when I had my body back Quirrell. I learned that life is really messy, complicated, and doesn't turn out the way you think it will and that, you think killing people might make them like you but it doesn't.**

"Yes. Because they're DEAD."

**It just makes people dead. I got killed by a two-year-old and it's really embarrassing**

"Well, then next time don't get killed by a two-year-old."

"There shouldn't even BE a next time."

**and everyone's just like "When you gonna come back Voldemort?" or "When you gonna take over the world?" It's me, it's all on me! And I'm sitting there by myself cause no one wants to help and I say to myself, maybe with Quirrell things would be okay.**

"It will be okay with Quirrell! Okay is great for you guys! Actually, it should be more than okay!"

**Quirrell: Is okay good?**

**Voldemort: Quirrell, okay is wonderful. –they run to each other in slow-mo and go back-to-back-**

"That's amazing."

"For you guys, maybe. For the rest of us it's just awkward."

**Everyone: Baby you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me and nothing's ever gonna bring us down, 'cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true. It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through. –the cast bows and the credits start rolling-**

"What a nice musical."

"Except for-"

"Don't even think about bringing up such a terrible topic, Harry."

"Yes, Hermione."

The screen in front of the group froze a moment before going black. A new note popped up onto the coffee table and Ron picked it up this time:

_Okay, that was totally awesome. But fear not my hostages! You have two more musicals to watch! Up next is _A Very Potter Sequel _and it's pretty awesome too. Buuuut before we move on to that, a few more friends will be joining you! I'm super sorry if it drags up horribly painful memories, but I want you to have a few good ones to make up for the bad ones. So I warn you now: you better brace yourself. I'd like you to explain the first musical to them. And why they're there in the first place. Their rooms shall have their names on it._

_Enjoy!_

"So…who do you think is going to come?" Ginny questioned.

But before anyone could answer, there was a bright flash of light and several figures appeared…

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**I hope you all liked the last chapter (and that you don't hate me for the cliffhanger). This story is officially over :( But no need to fear, my little ninjas! Auntie Rachel will bring you all Watching AVPS in about a week. ****Or maybe tomorrow if I feel up to it. **I'll update this one to let you know when the next one is up of course. 

**Thanks for all of your amazing reviews/favorites/alerts throughout this whole production! Love you, little ninjas :D**

**Please Review! And check out my new poll to choose the last person(s) to join the group in watching the musicals! (or leave your idea in a review) I already have two, now you choose the last one!**


	25. Sequel Is Up!

**Hey everybody! Just wanted to say that ****Watching A Very Potter Sequel**** is now up! I hope you all enjoy it as much as you liked this one!**

**See you at WAVPS!**


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